Baby blockers

You have to read this to believe it but before you get discharged from hospital after having a baby one of the last things the midwives say to you is… did you know you can get pregnant really easily now so you need to make a appointment to go on contraception.

I mean come on! After Id picked my jaw up from the floor and let it sunk in what she’d actually said to me it’s then I realised they are actually bonkers if they think I’m having sex any time soon! I mean my vagina was cut open and stitched back up for Christ sake!! The thought of sex just makes my fanny shrivel up like a dried prune, if that isn’t off putting enough for Mr M I regularly peed myself a little bit after giving birth. If you really want sex that bad in a time like that then you have serious problems that only a sex addicts anonymous can sort out.

I intend to let my vagina heal after pushing out the bowling ball that was my baby, I was walking like my arsehole had been ripped from arse to ear for a week after giving birth do they seriously think I was going to go home and start having sex? furthermore I’d like to think my other half wouldn’t want any nooky whilst the stitches heal up, it’s not exactly sexy is it!

Picture this right, well maybe not picture it that’s a bit brutal, just listen to what I’m saying, imagine a man having major surgery on his pecker, imagine his penis actually being cut open and stitched back up. What sane doctor would tell said man to not only not have sex for a while but to use contraception? No one! No doctor would ever do that! So why do they assume us women having birthed an entire human been cut and stitched back up would want to have sex in the near future!

Anyway the point of this post is that I’ve Been asked multiple times what contraception or as I call them “Baby Blockers” I want to go on. I mean fair play I’m now 10 weeks post natal, my vagina is mostly healed and back to normal and my arsehole no longer hurts when I go to the toilet so that’s a bonus! So yeah I guess you’d say it would be sensible to go onto some kind of contraception. Have I thought about it? Have i heck! I’ve had more important things to be doing. To be honest I’m happy to go with the good old fashioned withdraw method. Its not ideal and it can get messy but It’s not like Im going to be shagging every night now is it. Mr M is lucky if I’m still awake past 8:30pm let alone anything else!

There’s so many kinds of baby blockers about now, I don’t trust the pill, it fucks with my periods and to be honest I don’t like taking things that mess with my hormones after it taking a while to conceive Rex I’m now really cautious of taking anything that could mess conceiving again! Condoms, because who doesn’t love trying to get that slippery little fucker on in the throws of passion! then there’s Female condoms- do they even exist? I think they are just a rumour as I’ve never ever seen one! The injection, I don’t fancy being jabbed in the arse every few months thankyou very much ! The implant! Ahh this freaks me out! It’s like a microchip for humans floating Benith your skin just there ready to pop up and remind you that you can’t have a baby for 2 years.

After it taking a year to get pregnant the first time and us both not getting any younger I’m not taking any chances. If it happens again soon great if not then we will probably start trying in a year or so anyway.

And that my friends is my view on baby blockers. It’s simple if you don’t want to get pregnant strap it up before you wack it up. And for gods sake let your vagina heal up before you start anything in the bedroom, the last thing we want is anyone ending up in A&E needing to be stitched back up!



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