Scaredy pants

Now things have calmed down I’m going to write about what happend 2 nights ago. I’ve named this post scaredy pants but really it should be called fucking shitting myself pants.

Friday was just a normal day, we’d gone to a party in the evening and had a really good time. When we got home hubby went to change Rivers nappy and instantly shouted at me to come and look at her legs. So I rushed in looking at her and the blood instantly drained from my body at what I was looking at. She had reddish purple rashes all over her little legs that had come on within the space of 2 hours. I did the thing we are all taught to do and grabbed a glass. The rash didn’t fade when I pressed the glass on it and fuck me did I panic. I straight away rang 111.

The lady on the other end of the phone took a load of details and said a doctor would call me back in the next 2 hours. After I hung up the phone I did the thing we are all told not to do and googled what a Meningitis rash looked like and it was almost identical to the one river has one her legs. I said to hubby I’m not waiting 2 hours we’re going to the hospital now!! So we threw a few things in a bag dropped Rex off at his nans and went. I held Rivers little hand all the way to the hospital, on the way a doctor called me back and said to take her to A&E which was lucky as we were already on the way. I felt so fucking sick with worry my anxiety has been bad recently anyway but this was something else. When people say they would swap places with their sick child it’s absolutely true I would have swapped with her right there and then.

Despite A&E being absolutely heaving we were seen very quickly within about 10 minuets I think it was. A nurse took all the details checked River over and sent us back in the waiting room to wait for a doctor. Sometime later I’m not exactly sure how long we we’re taken into a cubical for River to have a blood test and have a canula fitted incase she needed IV antibiotics. God what an upsetting thing it is to see your baby’s hand being held down tightly whilst screaming and the nurses putting a needle into her. It nearly broke me. After all that had been done she had to have her arm wrapped up to stop her pulling out the canula. Once all thts had been done she was very settled and fell back to sleep.

A doctor then came round to talk to us and I voiced my concerns about it being Meningitis and she very kindly would not confirm either way until the blood test had come back which again put the fear of god into me. It was gone 2am now and we were told River was being admitted so hubby had to go home and we got taken onto a ward in the children’s hospital. I was so tired by this point I didn’t really know what was going on. Our cubical was massive it had a big cot for River, a bed for me a tv and some cuboards. There was also a kitchen where we could make tea and toast and also cuboards full of baby milk because I didn’t bring enough as I didn’t know we would have to stay in so that really came in handy.

I tried my best to get some sleep but I’d forgotton my medication and I don’t sleep when I don’t take that. And I also couldn’t take my eyes off of River, checking every 5 minutes that she was breathing and ok . I think I eventually managed half an hours kip before she woke up for a bottle, then it was light outside so we just got up. No nurses or doctors had been round yet so I was taking this as good news. A few more hours passed and a nurse came round to do Rivers observations which were all fine so we made a cup of tea and chilled out for abit. Then finally a consultant came round and explained that Rivers blood tests were all normal and he “thinks” the weird rash is a pressure rash. Some examples he gave were being strapped to tightly into her car seat, nappy to tight, being in a baby carrier or it could have been where she was passed around a lot at the party. I felt so rude asking him If he was sure because I just needed my anxiety reassured. But he reassured me there was NO sign of infection which means it’s absolutely not Meningitis I could have cried all that worry was thankfully for nothing.

So we had to wait another hour or so for River to get her canula out and be discharged then off we went home to get some well earned sleep.

Z

Xxx