So just incase you didn’t know Rex will be 6 months old next week. I know right! Time fly’s when you are sleep deprived and having fun!! Anyway my boy is actually very clever for his very little age. His CV of life is gaining some badass skills. This kid is going places!

He mastered sitting up around a month ago. Annoyingly he started siting up a week after we’d had a Christmas photoshoot done where we had to sit him up and quickly dash so the photographer could catch it. As you can imagine we’ve had a few bumped heads in the month of learning to sit up, luckily for Rex he is very robust and tends to dent the floor rather then injure himself. Making life a lot easier as I can leave him sat playing on the floor whilst I can get some jobs done.

Have I told you he has teeth? Yes! 2 big white smashers right at the front. And don’t we know about it! The poor soul has really suffered with his toothy pegs. Now as we learn as parents we learn the knack of getting calpol in successfully with no major incidents. If you’re a parent to a teething baby youl know exactly what I’m talking about! Wham bam wipe it on the curtains no messing about in my household.

The most important thing is DRUMB ROLL today HE CRAWLED!! The moment we’ve all been waiting for! Weeks of shuffling around on his bum like a retarded chimpanzee trying his best at crawling but not quite getting it. After weeks of wanting to get at our Christmas tree today all his dreams came true when he decided he was going to crawl over and yank the fucker right over on himself!

That will teach mummy and daddy for taking their eyes off him for a second to celebrate the momentous occasion of him being mobile. Something tells me this is just the start of things to come. Suddenly all the things in my house have been moved to higher ground for its own safety. Once the menace that is Rex gets his grubby hands on my stuff it will never be seen in one peice Again!!

Today the stair gate went up and I’m about to order some plug covers and cupboard clips. Baby proofing the house is our priority this weekend.

As we are very pleased and proud of his achievement today we are on full alert at all times now ready should he pounce on something he shouldn’t!! At 5 months old and already crawling I think this is a sign of things to come for my very clever little dinosaur. Watch this space!

Z

Xxx

It’s New Year’s Eve 2019. Rather then going out and getting smashed I’m at home trying everything possible to get my baby to poo. The pour wee soul has had extreme constipation since Christmas Day which was almost a week ago!!

To bring you up to speed with what’s been happening. My boy sometimes suffers with abit of constipation every now and again which is more annoying than anything it doesn’t really bother him most of the time.

Except for right now he’s having a hella time with his bottom habbits! It all started one week ago on Christmas Day where he had an almighty explosion and us not knowing this would be his last deposit for almost a week. If only we knew what lay ahead for us over the next 7 days!

A week of his poor wee tummy giving him so much pain, trying his best to shift that shit and getting nowhere fast. Ofcorse we tried everything possible to get that poo moving in the right direction lots of hard work with zero results. Supposedly cooled boiled water is the thing that gets that poo popping, water wasn’t on our side during the shitting saga. We already had some medicine from a previous bout of constipation he endured a few weeks ago. Even that didn’t work. Carrying on with advice we’d been given by so many diffrent people and still that shit would not budge.

4-5 days in and things were getting pretty desperate, he’s completely off his milk. At his worst he only had half a bottle in 24 hours! There’s one thing I can say I’d never thought I’d be doing was late night massaging of my baby’s tummy trying to dam hardest to get him to poop!! Poor Rex was in so much pain and discomfort he’d be up all night screming and wincing my heart broke for him. Me and Mr M completely exhausted, me on the verge of a nervous breakdown so sleep deprived and sobbing at every given opportunity it’s so hard to feel like this when I know it’s not his fault and he’s the one suffering. I really thought we weren’t going to survive this week.

By day 6 I’d decided enough was enough and I had a telephone call with the doctor who prescribed some stronger medicine to help get things moving. I really didn’t have much hope that anything was going to work. I had visions of him having to have some kind of procedure to get all the poo out. Or me having to stick my finder up his bum hole !

So the new medicine we have to try and syringe into his mouth twice a day. Hardest thing to do ever! Half of it ends up on the carpet so you can imagine what a delight this is trying to get it into him twice a day.

Anyway I HAVE NEWS…. finally 8 days in and that almighty shit has been shifted! That’s right we’ve pooed! Total elation in our household. Party banners and the lot came out to celebrate Rexs bowel movements. Finally he’s in no more pain no more screaming all day and night and I might beable to get some sleep at night!

Well done Rex for shifting that shit

Z

Xxx

It’s around 4pm on Christmas Day and we’ve just had our second meltdown of the day. Mums holding the baby whilst I get 10 min to myself.

We all look forward to baby’s first Christmas the expectation of taking cute photos of the baby dressed up, helping baby open presents and playing with all the toys whilst family look on with smiles and laughter, that’s what every babys first Christmas Is like right?

WRONG! If anyone tells you that’s how their first Christmas with a baby went then they are 300% telling porkie pies. I write this as I’m holding back the tears and tired of pretending to have a good day when all I want to do is go home get in my pjs and go to bed.

Let’s go back to yesterday. Christmas Eve 2019 when I started to get worried about how baby would behave on Christmas Day as he’s been playing up a lot recently. Bed time comes and so far so good. This is where I first went wrong when I expected a good nights sleep. The reality was 1am was my first wake up call of the evening bottle bum change and straight back to sleep. 4am comes my second wake up, unfortunately for me Rex would not go back to sleep. Exhausted and desperately wanting sleep I’m crying already praying to god that Rex is well behaved today. Wishing I could just snuggle up and go back to sleep.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! As were all up we made a start on presents early, I got very spoiled. Rex successfully opened some of his own presents.

The usual tradition still stands of starting Christmas morning at my mums then off to my mother in laws then back to my mums for dinner. It’s hectic but it works for us. Rex was impeccabley behaved throughout the morning happily opening presents (with some help) lunch time beckons Happily playing in his high hair as we are about to tuck into our turkey and stuffing. The second I take my first mouthfull. Que Rex.. I barely even had a chance to digest my chipolatas when he started. God Job I’m used to cold dinners now as I try and settle him whilst everyone else is tucking in. His screams defan the house as everyone is chowing down on turkey and roast potatoes and I just want to run away from it all and let everyone have a nice Christmas. My Christmas dinner wasn’t quite the same cold and stale 😞

Rex completely shattered didnt nap atall today. Maybe I’m in for a good nights sleep? That’s wishful thinking if you ask me. So being a baby and doing what he does best rex just continued to grizzle scream and cry for most of the afternoon making it very uncomfortable for me having everyone watch me try to settle him. At this point I’m trying my best not to burst into tears everyone can see I’m getting flustered and all I can think about is going home. I can see the look on everyone’s faces wondering why I’m getting so annoyed and upset which is making me worse.

So we collect up our mountain of presents stack the car to and inch of its life and doddle off home where by this time Rex is so exhausted he’s compleatly flat out. And goes straight to bed! HURRAH!! I can finally sit down and actually look at some of the presents I got and tidy away.

Is it just me or does everyone want to know how baby’s first Christmas was? Ofcorse you have to lie and say it was great just to sound like a good parent. We darent admit what a shambles it really was.

Having a baby is hard, we expect things to be as normal after having a baby. I thought I was invincible and could do anything with my baby In tow! Oh how wrong could I be. I love Rex to bits he’s my world but occasions like today are a lot of hard work and very very tireing. All in all we had a good Christmas we all got very spoilt.

Expectation 1-0 Reality

Z

Xxx

It’s one thing having to deal with the utter shitfest that is having a period every month , it’s another thing dealing with the ability to spontaionly combust and start bleeding unannounced in public.

If Period talk makes you feel queasy then I suggest you stop here. Because things are about to get messy! You know me I don’t hold back on much! Trust me Lads if you ever want sex again I suggest you don’t read ahead.

Anyway… I’ve been as regular as clock work since 14. Me and my periods made a pack that’s never been broken. It’s like a relationship you build up over time, Yeah I get the odd bit of pain here and there but who doesn’t? As strange as this sounds it felt oddly weird when I got pregnant and suddenly I didn’t have to worry about my monthly’s !! I swear the first 3 months of pregnancy I was strutting my stuff walking around with no knickers on.

You all know i suffer with mild anixety, after finding out I was growing a baby literary everytime I went to the toilet for the next 9 months I checked to see if I was bleeding out of total and utter fear of the worst happening. Bleeding during pregnancy “can” be compleatly normal. Having said that any pregnant women reading this please don’t take my word for it and get it checked ASAP if you experience any bleeding during pregnancy just to be on the safe side.

So just to gross you out even more than I already have I’m gonna shed some light on what it’s like after the birth!! Now i had heard some horror stories and I mean HORROR STORIES! Of what comes out of your baby gate after delivery and the coming months. And I’m talking get the arm bands and rubber ring at the ready for the gush of bloody mess that’s about to drop from your poor battered old fanny.

So being as prepared as I could I stocked up on all the necessary sanitary wear to try and mop up the gushing mess that was my vagina, little fact for you.. I’ve never used a tampon in my life! Who wants to walk around with a cotton wool sausage stuck up their chuff all day? I was very pleasantly suprised to find that as id lost so much blood during delivery that there actually wasn’t much left to vacate the building. Yay!! SPOILER ALERT. I lost 2 litres of blood when they so gently ripped that baby from my now fragile fanny which I didn’t find out about until days after and realised 2 litres is like one of those big bottles of coke!! Anyway back to the important stuff, So basically I had no bleeding after having the baby unlike some unlucky ladies who have the niagra falls turn up in their knickers.

So as I’m minding my own business wondering when my body was going to grace me with the glorious monthly presence of bleeding for a week.BAM. There it is. Then one unsuspecting day where I’m just minding my own business, and I go to the loo and I’m like WTF is this? Another period? I’ve only just had one. So I went with it as you do to see what would happen, the days went by and yep still bleeding like a dying bear. Ermmm HELLO? What’s going on here? I didn’t agree to this. Thinking it was a one off I put the past behind me and once again the mother fucked sprung on me the following month! Is it normal to have 2 periods a month? Am I dying a slow monthly death?Should I be some weird science experiment?

Fast forward now to 5 months post natal. Knowing the monthly monster is about to spring up on me, prepared for battle I’m ready to go! Period? Are you there? I’ve only gone and fucking skipped a period! Wtf is going on? Sitting at the kitchen table tapping my fingers looking at the clock, will it ever show up? Am I safe to leave the safe sanitary towel confindes of my own house, will I spontaneously start bleeding on the bus? It’s a risk I’m prepared to take! I’m a busy women I don’t wait around for nobody.

And that my friends is my story of the bleeding nightmare of post natal bleedige. If I’ve learnt anything it’s always be prepared!!

Z

Xxx

My little Rex has had a hard few weeks bless him. As these cold winter months hit us like a train we as parents are going to experience the dreaded colds and illness!!

Hopefully this post can help you mums and dads deal with the winter nasties.

A lot of babies including Rex suffer with Unknown constipation. The pour wee soul can go days and days without pushing one out. You can see how uncomfortable he is by screming and pushing his legs up and down, you can see him straining trying to get that massive poo out but nothing happens. I’ve been told that cold boiled water should help this situation. Me being me didn’t listen to advice and just marched him straight down the Doctors. So confirmation from the doctor that yes Rex needs a really big shite, we come away with some medicine to help make him go.

To be taken twice a day untill he finally dumps his load, taken by syringe which as you can imagine Rex absolutly loves. (Not!!) when you’ve got a sick baby who needs medicine you suddenly turn into some kind of sniper ready for battle, as soon as that mouth opens it’s GO GO GO!! There’s no greater feeling that the accomplishment of smugly getting that medicine in your baby’s mouth without them spitting it out.

Sometimes it can start as diarrhoea in the doctors words ” it builds up behind the solid poo and comes through the sides” glorious!! Believe me you know about it when it finally comes! Wrap up the furnature and Jet wash at the ready!!

Rex is now on his 3rd Cold of his short life so far. There isn’t really any remedies for colds for babies except calpol and lots of snuggles. Just be prepared to be showered in snot and coughed and sneezed on like a rabid dog! Rex is getting pretty impressive with his snot bubbles! He’s aquired the name “snot monkey” at the moment. It’s flowing out of him like lava!

The winter nasties are are in full swing this year so batten down your hatches and stock up on calpol you’re in for a bumpy ride!!

Z

Xxx

It’s been 5 months since I pushed a 7.8 pounder out of my nether region and i am very impressed I’ve had no major breakdowns in the glorious 5 months of motherhood so far.

Until now… let me introduce you to the mummy who’s losing her marbles! That’s me! Crikey it’s all going on, I don’t know weather I’m coming or going at the moment. I thought newborn state was hard thats got nothing on what’s happening right now.

It all started a couple of weeks ago when things took a turn for the worse down shit hole lane, I’m still stuck down the dead end unable to turn around and make a swift exit. Now anyone who knows me knows that I can be a bit scatty at the best of times, even more so when I’ve got a screming 5 month old ( who by the way CANNOT be left unattended even for a second anymore) but that’s a story for another day!

So pretty much most days now I’m juggling a screaming baby, trying to do the housework, trying to feed and water myself all the while my washing is piled high my tea is burning and my washing up water has gone cold before I’ve even started because the baby will not give over for 1 second!! I’m lucky if I get to wipe my own arse at the moment.

Teatime is as ever a momentous occasion, baby’s routine is bed by 7 whilst mummy cooks tea, this week however the little sod is playing on mummy’s stress of trying to keep the house running smoothly and takes a whole hour to get to sleep after being put to bed. Like HELLO !! Mummy’s trying to keep this house is one peice, I’m running upstairs in between each mouthful of my dinner trying to settle the blubbering mess that is my child.

By the time the little devil has fallen asleep I just about have time to run a bath tidy up quickly and go to bed. This week however has just been one big nightmare that I cannot wake up from. We have numerous apparatus that can hold the petulant child, will he sit and play sitting in his chair or his play center? Will he buggery. Didn’t you know it’s more fun to be held by mummy especially when she’s got things to do? Apparently it is.

My marbles are well and truley lost, I’m sprinting between rooms trying to do things in the fastest time possible and failing miserably. Rex however is having a great time watching his mum lose her shit.

The thing to top all this off is when rex goes to one of his nanny’s whilst I go to work he behaves impeccably! If that isn’t a kick in the teeth enough when ever we grace the great outdoors with our presence all anyone says is “oh what a happy baby” “what a good boy” meanwhile in the back ground in scowling thinking if only you knew!!

Despite everything , the days he’s being a litte sod, the days I sit and cry thinking I cannot cope, the sleepless nights and the constant whinging and crying, I love my boy more then anything in the world. Nothing could ever stop me loving my perfect boy.

Just learn to behave a bit better for mummy please Rex!

Z

Xxx