Home at last… our first week

After what felt like an eternity being in hospital we finally got discharged and made our way home. It felt so strange being back home after 5 days away almost like I’d been away on holiday and come back with a baby. After getting home we kind of sat there not really knowing what to do so I threw some pizza and chips in the oven as neither of us had had a hot meal in over 5 days. With no routine and no idea what we were doing we winged it from there on. To exhausted to do anything we just chilled on the sofa doing bits and bobs with Rex until he fell asleep for abit. He didn’t actually go down until 3am the first night. “Eye rolls” so I got myself ready for bed and got all my medication ready. Now like I said before I HATE HATE HATE needles even after everything I’ve Been through and the amount of stuff I’ve had done I still can’t stand them! Anyway I got sent home from hospital with a pack of some medication that I had to inject every night for the next 10 nights to stop any blood clots forming.

The thought of actually injecting myself makes me feel really sick so Mr M stepped up to the job, I think he took a lot of pleasure injecting me and seeing me wimper like a little baby. I also got sent home with iron tablets to bring my iron levels back after the heavy blood loss.

Like I said our first night was abit of a disaster I had no idea what I was doing Rex didn’t end up going down until 3am then woke again at 6am. “Yawns” the midwife turned up just after 11 I was so glad to see my usual midwife she came and checked us both over and decided Rex needed to be seen in hospital that afternoon to have his jaundice checked, so off we popped to Witney community hospital to have him checked over and it turns out his jaundice levels have dropped since they tested him in hospital. Even the short walk from the car to the front door of the hospital really done me in still getting pains in my tummy and shortness of breath.

The next couple of days seemed to go abit smoother with Rex getting used to his surroundings and us sort of getting into a routine he now only wakes twice at night for a bottle and then goes straight back to sleep GOOD LAD!! My milk started to come in a few days after being home and oh my bloody god nobody prepares you for the pain of having boobies full of milk! Jezzz you could have cut glass with my nipples and the rest of my knockers we’re like rocks! Leaking had become abit of a problem I had no idea how much you actually “leak” Mr M is now scared for life after seeing milk just running out of my nipples! Thankfully after a couple of days and lots of breast pads later I think it’s cleared up. By the middle of the week the weather had really started to heat up and poor little Rex was so hot and uncomfortable he cried all day and not just any cry.. no no it was the kind of cry the neighbours would call the police because they would think we are murdering him. I was in tears not knowing what to do Mr M was at his wits end and it suddenly dawned on me how hard this was going to be.

After what felt like the longest and most emotional day ever after lots of tears and thoughts of “I can’t do this” we made it through the other side and he settled down to sleep at night. Still feeling in a lot of pain still scared to go to the toilet and having daily headaches that lasted forever the following appointment with the doctor she arranged some blood tests to check my iron levels as I was showing signs of severe iron deficiency. So the following day off I went for my blood test feeling so exhausted and emotional i broke down in tears to the nurse.

2 days later I received my results and it turned out I needed a iron transfusion. After a lot of commotion between the GP and my midwife fighting one saying I needed it the other saying I didn’t I finally got my appoitment at the John Radcliff hospital in oxford to have it done 10 days later than it should have really been done! Aswell as the transfusion I had found something down below that I thought shouldn’t be there… after persuading Mr M to have a look and take a photo to show me I had no idea what it was but it looked like some kind of hole, the midwife later confirmed the end of my stitches had come out so it was swabbed and booked for a re-check next Tuesday. Great… what else actually wants to happen to me! Oh yeah piles … I have fucking piles! I could cry right now, will someone give me a bloody break!

So off we set again leaving Rex with his nanny we were only up the hospital 5 hours ish and it didn’t hurt it just felt really cold going into my vein which was so strange! The nurse said it will take a couple of days to take effect It’s now 2 days after and I already feel a difference no headache today and I don’t feel as weak as I have been!

Inbetween all this I’ve been out and about lunching with friends walking to work and seeing family. Which has made me realise how bad my anixety is getting because I realised I actually can’t bear to be away from Mr M or Rex and everytime I’ve been out I’ve almost had a panic attack wanting to get back home and be on my own with my boys which is something I need to work on. The exhaustion has really set in even though Rex is sleeping okay at night I still feel like a zombi during the day and I can’t remember the last time I actually ate my dinner when it was still hot or had a bath without wondering what Rex is up to. Motherhood is relentless but I love my boy to the moon and back.

Our first week at home has been a really challenging one from 7 outfit changes in one day to 3 dirty nappies in 10 minuets. There’s been tears and smiles cuddles and endless photos taken of my little Rex. Tomorrow Mr M goes back to work and I’ve been trying all day not to cry but Deep down I want to cry my eyes out, the thought of being alone with the baby without him scares the living daylight out of me! All I can do is be strong and know he’s not far away should I need him for anything. I would like to share a few pics taken of our first week at home 💙

Z

Xxx