So we are fast approaching week 3 of having little Rex in our lives and it’s already been a rollercoaster of emotions. One minute I’m totally bossing parenthood then the next I’m in a puddle on the floor crying because I feel I can’t cope. This is by far the hardest job I’ve ever had, thinking and doing for 2 people all day every day constantly putting myself second and forgetting to look after myself, faking a smile for people after having no sleep and nothing to eat all day, hiding the bags under my eyes and pretending I feel ok.
It’s true what they say … you will never have a hot meal again and I don’t think I have! Don’t even get me started on how many times I have to reheat my cup of tea before I finally get to drink it! I find myself getting daily headaches because I simply don’t have time to make myself anything to eat or drink when I’m alone with the baby, he either needs something, screams the place down if I try and put him down or just decides he’s going to be an arsehole and not let mummy eat or drink anything. It’s midday usually before I finally get chance to have a drink and a morning wee making me feel absolutely rubbish. This week has been relentless and Rex has really been keeping me on my toes after his daddy went back to work a few days ago!
Night feeds aren’t to much of a problem (I think) I’m half asleep most of the time anyway. But on the odd occasion like this morning Rex will have his 5am feed and then decide it’s time to get up much to the disgust of his mummy. Even after checking everything he still screams the house down and I find myself getting so upset and frustrated not knowing what to do with him. I’m trying my hardest to get out of the habit of picking him up everytime he cry’s because he now knows and stops crying as soon as I pick him up.
Today I learnt that we only need to see our midwife once more and we will be discharged. This fills me with dread… my midwife has been with me throughout the whole pregnancy and after the birth, she’s someone I trust and can talk to, the thought of not having appointments to see her and check on me and Rex is terrifying I almost feel like I’m being abondoned, as extream as it sounds that’s how I feel, being left to go it alone “cry’s”
Now I heard breast feeding was full on all the time feeds but my god can my boy drink! He’s feeding every 2 hours at the moment making it impossible to get anything done in the house or even go out because as soon as we get anywhere he screams and screams wanting to be fed so I’ve contained myself to the house where I have everything on hand ready to feed the little fatty. Outings are getting so stressful will he cry the place down? Or need a change or feed in the middle of the street? I can answer yes to one of those as we had a projectile vomit incident in the middle of the highstreet the other day, it came out like a fountain all over him and the pram the baby grow ended up going in the bin on the way home it was that bad. Then there’s the car… I normally sit in the back with Rex to make sure he’s ok but twice this week I’ve had to sit in the front and he’s cried until his little face was red as a beetroot and could hardly breathe, sitting in the front trying my hardest not to burst into tears was so difficult. Everytime he cry’s it breaks my heart just a little bit.
Strangely I’m rather enjoying the loneliness my fave thing to do at the moment is just sit in silence when Rex is asleep and enjoy a cuppa tea. Compleatly the opposite of how I thought I’d feel! The truth is nothing really prepares you for how hard it is to be a mum, nothing prepares you for the stresses and strains the mess your house gets in and when you haven’t showered or brushed your hair in days, nothing really helps you know what to do when the baby has been screaming so long it gives you a banging headache. The truth is nobody really knows what it’s like until it happens to you.
BUT….
Nothing also prepares you for how happy you feel when you see your baby content, nothing prepares you for that feeling when you wash change and dress your baby and see them laying awake looking around and recognising your voice. Nothing prepares you for the unconditional love you feel for your little human, even on the bad days when the washing is piling up the bin needs emptying and you’ve not had a wee in 7 hours, nothing beats sitting down with a cuddle with your mini person.
Rex my darling your drive me crazy some days but mummy loves you so much 💙
This post is dedicated to all the mums out there who are struggling but doing a brilliant job! 💙
Z
Xxx
The Z word 
Have you asked your midwife about colic? It sounds like he’s crying way more than necessary, although it always feel like that. You will get a hot meal again! Just maybe not for like, a year or two lol. You’re doing good.
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Yeah it’s not colic, she said I just need to make sure I wind him really well
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