Glam mums

pregnancy

Motherhood really couldn’t be any less glam if it tried. Picking bogies here, wiping arses there, and if you haven’t had to scrape shit from under your finger nails atleast once then you are deffo telling porkie pies!

Don’t even get me started on the meal times. If you haven’t come out with spaghetti in your hair and yogurt up your nose then meal times are far to easy for you! Talk about messy! Handfuls of food just flung across my kitchen, handprints up the walls and smudges on windows. Dried up crisps found weeks later in places I never even knew I had and crumbs galore on every floor of my house.

In our house it’s a race against Rex to stop him getting at something. Coke cans, cups of tea, plates of food ect ect. I’ve perfected the mad dash across the room whilst shouting NOOOOOOOOO!! At the top of my voice trying to intercept those grubby little hands doing any more damage to my house. We’ve already had the one incident involving a bowl of coco pops which ended up scattered all over my living room carpet. Mummy was not happy that day! Thankfully my hoover Henry enjoys Rexs discarded crap he leaves on the floor.

As mums we pay the ultimate price for having a wee one in tow. I can’t remember the last time I went out of the house with clean clothes on! What’s the fucking point? I get dressed and that’s the red flag to my unruly child to sabotage my nice clean clothes. I brush my hair for it to just get pulled and messed up. My shoe laces get pulled from my shoes, my handbag ransacked and my socks hidden.

But the icing on the cake for this little peice about being a “glam mum” is toilet time! Oh yes ladies you know what I’m on about! Show of hands who can remember the last time they had a shit ALONE?! Because let me tell you it don’t happen in my house! I have little hands pulling at my pants, reaching across me mid poo to grab the toilet roll, crawling around between my legs. I mean for Christ sake does this kid want me to shit on his head?

Motherhood is not glamorous but WE ARE GLAMEROUS. Us … as mums, we fucking rock. We show up every day covered in god knows what and get on with it. We look like shit and dress like hobos and still we absolute boss being a mummy!

So let’s raise a glass to mums. Each and every one of you who are doing a fantastic job! Don’t ever stop being you!!

Z

Xxx

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