I have appropriately named this blog “The binge eating nightmare” because binge eating is fucking one big never ending nightmare and it’s something I’ve really been struggling with lately.
Before I go any further I’d just like to throw a disclaimer out there. What you are about to read is my personal experience and opinion. I have not been officially diagnosed with binge eating disorder nor am I a professional in the subject.
Now I have always struggled with my weight ever since I was a child. I remember getting up early so I could eat sweets in secret before everybody else got up. I’ve managed to lose weight then regain it lose it again and end up back to square one even bigger then when I started.
Fast forward to the present day and Oh my gosh I’m in one hell of a pickle. I’m really in deep with no way of getting out. I’ve had a lot of shit happen in my life over the past year or so and for some reason I’m trying to eat my way better. I’m so disgusted with myself I hate what I see in the mirror and all my anxiety riddled brain thinks is “nobody likes me because of my size” “none of my friends actually want to be friends with a person as fat as me” and I won’t lie I sob, most nights because I can’t stop.
It all starts small. One biscuit here one biscuit there and before I know it the whole packet has gone. Just a handful of malteasers after my dinner. Next thing I know I’ve scoffed the whole box and am looking for the next thing i can ram into my fat gob because I just need to eat and eat NOW half the time I’m not even hungry and whilst I’m filling my fat face I’m already eyeing up what’s next eating so much till I’m ready to throw up. Then I sit and cry at how fat and discusting I am. Then BAM before I knew it I reached **** stone. I can’t tell you how much I’m afraid as I’m so embarrassed my own husband Dosent even know what I weigh.
It’s a viscous cycle that comes around way to often and it’s something I just cannot break. It’s leading down a dark hole of depression self Hatred, anxiety and much more. At its worst Ive wished myself dead than to be living like this. So I guess I’m putting the feelers out on this post and reaching out to anybody who suffers from binge eating dirorder or anybody who thinks they are suffering. Please get in touch and have a chat you never know we may beable to help each other?
Z
Xxx
The Z word 