Author: thezword

Well… hello again. I made it to the other side alive safe and well (Just about) I’ve had a couple of weeks at home with the hubby to rest and recuperate and I’m ready to tell you all about our first week!! (Or weeks)

So here I am 2 weeks later both kids in bed asleep enjoying a nice bubble bath whilst I fill you in on what’s been happening….

So we ended up staying 4 days in the hospital coming home on the Thursday and boy I was glad to finally be allowed home as nice as it is getting some rest in hospital I was really starting to miss my home comforts. So off we popped getting caught in rush hour traffic on the way home which as you can imagine with a newborn and in this sweltering heat is a right old barrel of big fuck off laughs. But we made it home in one piece just in time for my mum and dad to come over and visit because I was only allowed 2 visitors in hospital my poor old dad had to wait down in the car park whilst my mum came to see me. So they bought over fish n chips and had cuddles with River.

Then it was time to settle down as a family of 4. Rex was feeling very overwhelmed and was acting very strange and sulky and cuddley I’m not sure he knew what was really going on bless him. As I mentioned before I got given a load of different medication to come home with and I was absolutely horrified when they gave me a box of needles that I had to INJECT (yes I said INJECT) myself with for the next 10 days! It’s supposted to stop blood clots so it was pretty important but Jesus Christ I cannot do this to myself I can’t even look when im having a blood test done! Thankfully for me my mother in law is a diabetic and injects daily so I just asked her to do it. But to my suprise I thought I’d give the first one a go and I only went and did it didn’t i! So bloody proud of myself. And so that was our first night.

The next day we had a visit from the midwife who sadly was not my midwife as she was on holiday which I was gutted about. But this lady was lovely just the same so she did a few bits and bobs weighed River ect ect and went on her merry way. Asked if I wanted my stitches checked to which I declined. I’ve had enough people gawping at my fanny this week Thankyou very much. Now something I forgot to mention to you all was how fucking difficult it is to go to the toilet after you’ve had a baby. I had a catheter in for nearly 2 days ( if you don’t know what a cathater is then google it) so my bladder was like what the fuck is going on. Trying to sit down on a toilet seat was the first hurdle I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to sit on a hard cold surface with a massive hole in the middle whilst your hole is being held together by surgical stitches then I can tell you it ain’t bloody easy. But I got there with a lot of strange noises and huffing and puffing. Little did I know that was actually the easy part… my bladder was basically numb from having the catheter in for 2 days and it’s actually really hard to piss when you can’t feel sod all down below. So it took abit of patience but once it started flowing I was well away. The only problem now was I couldn’t actually feel if I needed to stop or not, if I was done or anything. So I just sit and sit and sit hoping my body would just do it’s natural thing and finish ejecting piss from my bladder which it eventually did do but it felt like a century had gone by and I still hadn’t finished going. So that was the pissy part. The other end was a whole diffrent fucking story!! In hospital The midwives kept asking me if I’d opened my bowel. Like hell I had!! I don’t fancy ripping myself another fanny for the second time this week!! But the days went by and my stomach was getting increasingly painful I think I made it to day 3 of not having a shit until I couldn’t take it any longer and had to risk the unimaginable just so I could have a giant ass poo. Luckily I’d been sent home from hospital with a bag of medication which included some stuff to soften my poo. Hurrah! Although it still put the fear of god into me just thinking about going. But by day 3 I was finally ready and emptied what felt like the entire world out of my arse and my god did my stomach feel better almost instantly!!

So the following few days we had some visits from family and friends, I was still in a lot of pain down below and in my lower stomach where my muscles were still healing so I really couldn’t go out much which was really starting to get to me. I’m an outdoors people person being cooped up is not my jam! The furtherst I went was to walk Rex to school and that nearly floored me. Another midwife appoitment later everything is still good once again they offered to check my stitches. “No Thankyou I think they are ok” I stupidly said. Because the following day (No judgement here please we are all friends) I was just chilling on the bed and I thought to myself I’ve not actually seen “down there” ya know the stitches. So I casually as you do with no airs or graces thought I’d awkwardly point my phone and get a snap of said area and let me tell you I was terrifying horrified at what I had seen. So much so I had to call hubby up and to his disgust have a look at what was going on because that does not look fucking normal. I have no idea what a stitched up vagina is meant to look like but I’m pretty sure that ain’t it! So after a-bit of panicking we decided it’s to late to do anything tonight I will call the midwife in the morning. So morning comes around and I’m umming and arring wether to call because I’m basically asking someone to look at my disfigured fanny and I’m really not game for that today. But as it goes I described to her what it looked like and she confirmed that sounds normal and they will be checked next week at my next appoitment. Phew to not having to flash my fanny today!!

So by now we are well into week 2 you’ll be glad to hear I’m shitting like and absolute boss, I’ve got breast feeding down to a fine art but that’s a story for another day. I’m getting dressed and brushing my hair and today I even wore my watch! I survived Rexs 4th birthday and even made it out to a kids party this weekend. It’s the small things in life that make a diffrence post natal! River has fitted in like a treat, Rex hardly bats an eyelid at her. she sleeps like an absolute trooper!! Waking up once, twice a night on a bad night and things are finally getting into a routine, my head feels a lot clearer and more organised, I’ve stopped randomly crying over nothing, ive got breast milk dripping out of me like it’s going out of fashion, I can walk without pain and my fanny is healing nicely. I’m managing to keep on top of the house work. Washing not so much good job I’ve got a deep washing basket!! So yeah things are pretty good.

Today hubby went back to work. *Crys* it’s been a lovely 2 weeks but my head really needed to get back into some kind of routine. So mums taking 2 weeks of half days to come and be with me and take me out ect which is so lovely so today we popped out for lunch to a garden Center and it felt SO GOOD to just be normal and get some nice fresh air in my lungs.

And that’s our first 2 weeks. River has pretty much slept through most of it so there’s no updates on her but the rest of us are great 👍

Speak to you soon

Z

Xxx

Well here we are again. It finally happened… I’ve given birth to my beautiful baby girl and as I have a few spare moments whilst recovering in hospital I thought I’d tell you all about it.

NOW… can I just throw a disclaimer out there. What I’m about to tell you isn’t going to be pretty, not all births are what I’m about to describe to you so please if your expecting and don’t want to be frightened out of your mind please stop reading now.

So as we all know it was decided that I was to be induced. so off we went up the hospital on Monday the 26th June 2023. To be there for 6:30am! Early start already lol. Once we arrived we got comfy in a little side room whilst I had all my obs done then it was time!! Time to try and start me off. I had zero hopes that this would actually work because well to be frank it didn’t work before. But I will give anything a go. So in we went straight in with a gel. Basically I had a gel like substance inserted up ⬆️ there. what it’s supposed to do is set off all the right hormones soften my cervix and get me into Labour. Less than an hour in and I could already feel some very light contractions. Holy shit this is actually working!! And so we went on for a few hours contractions getting more intense but nothing more than a really sharp period pain. Bouncing up and down on my giant ball trying to help things along but sadly for some unknown reason my contractions went away. So it was lunch time and the safest thing on the menu felt like a cheese sandwich so that’s what I went for and it wasn’t to to bad as hospital food goes.

So it was decided I would be sent down to delivery suite and have my waters broken!! Now it was like 6pm at this point, we’d been in a tiny room for 12 hours I can’t even explain how fucking fed up and bored we were. Sadly we had to wait another 2 sodding hours before they took us down to delivery so by the time we actually got down and settled it was gone 9pm. so what else was there to do except play catch with that giant ball I was bouncing on earlier 😂

Poor old hubby was exhausted as was I but we had to power through as it was going to be a very long night! Now I really hoped to avoid being put on a hormone drip to induce labour as the last time it made me so so sick but it was decided I needed the drip and to have my waters broken. So first up was my waters. Fucking hell first drama of the evening. I do not remember it being that painful and invasive!! The midwife practally had her whole hand up me trying to pop those bad boys and god did it hurt me. I got so upset you know when you just can’t stop yourself from crying I was in a right old state. I tried some gas and air but that stuff is gross and makes me feel like I’m going to throw up!! But ofcorse they manged to get it done with minimal mess and I survived (just about) so that was it… the plan was to wait for 2 hours to see wether I progressed further and then put me on the drip. Thankfully I did start contracting again and at a more painful rate but sadly it wasn’t enough so the decision was made to get that drip in me and get going. Unfortunately for me I already know how fucking painful labour is once you have the hormone drip and your body is forced to contract so I decided I wasn’t messing around with that shit again and asked for an epidural. Literally 20 or so minutes later in comes the man with the epidural! And I’ve never been so relieved. Getting that in your spine is a right old palava though. They say “it shouldn’t be painful” but it bloody is and feeling a needle go into your spine is one of the worst things you could ever feel it makes a popping noise as it goes in! The thought of it now makes me feel queasy!! Anyway we ploughed on through and got it in so I could relax with no pain after that. By this point it was early hours of the morning poor old hubby was exhausted and set up camp on the floor to have a quick sleep whilst nothing was happening.

A small while later is when things really started to go down hill. Now this is the only time you will hear me say anything bad about the treatment I’ve had in hospital. The midwives had popped out to do something and told us to ring the buzzer if we needed anything. All of a sudden my eyes went blurry, I was very hot and felt sick and just knew I was going to faint, obviously I couldn’t move due to the epidural so couldn’t lay down or get on the floor poor husband didn’t know what to do. I managed to ring the buzzer and tell them I think I’m going to pass out. but they never came and I’ve never been so frightened in my life. It felt like forever before they came rushing in the room to get me sorted because my blood pressure had dropped alot hence me almost passing out I was so frightned something really bad was happening to me It was fucking horrible and they had to monitor me and baby really closely for the next few hours because it had distressed her.

The hours went by it was god knows what time In the morning I hadn’t slept since Saturday night (bare in mind we are now on Tuesday morning) my body was just giving up, I lay on the bed crying and having little panic attacks because my body just couldn’t go anymore. I’d had enough. I manged to make it to around the 8am mark when the staff change over happend and all of a sudden the midwife jumped up with excitement and said this baby is coming!! Bless the midwives who’d been with me all night and we’re about to go home they said they would stay to see baby born! Ahhhh shit i now have to push this baby out. So off we went. PUSHHHHHHH so I did, and they told me I was doing really well. Then all of a sudden I had that feeling in the bottom of my stomach and I knew what was about to happen. I was violently fucking sick EVERYWHERE over and over again so much so I had nothing left in my stomach and ended up gagging and choking because I just had nothing left. As well as this I also had to keep trying to push this sodding baby out. I just couldn’t do it, hysterically crying being sick and with a baby half hanging out of my fanny I was done so so done. I tried.

So sadly a doctor had to come in and explain to me we needed to help baby out with forceps. Not again! Suddenly there seemed to be about 8-9 people in the room who had come to help and I cried and cried at the thought of being ripped apart by 2 giant metal things. But by now baby was in distress and I had no choice and not really much time to even think about it before I knew it they’d injected me with some anesthetic with no time to go to theatre it was done in the delivery room with no curtain up so I saw absolutely everything they had them forceps in before i could even blink. Jesus Christ there’s no other feeling like that let me tell you luckily it wasn’t pain just a fullness I swear I felt them up in my ribs! Then she picked up the scapal and I just knew I was about to be cut from arse to ear. By this time I’m now In distress panicking crying whilst trying to push. After one huge push and a pull from the doctors end her head was out!! I’m half way there!! I can do this…. Next contraction coming up and the doctor litlerry puts her foot up on the table and pulls with all of her might and BAM baby is here… my little River thrown up on my chest crying, I’m crying, hubbys crying she’s here I did it!!! It’s all over!! The hard part is done. Or so I thought….

Of course in true Zoe style nothing ever goes the way it’s supposted to. In comes running in some more doctors, I’m losing blood. Not again! All I could see was tissue and patches drenched in blood and the doctor trying to stop it as quick as she could. I had stuff injected into me to try and stop the bleeding Then all of a sudden I felt sick again. Someone had to grab the baby off me so I could throw up again and again and again, whilst still being stitched I was getting it from both ends. I also felt very very hot so there was a mad rush to get my temperature down But it was too late I was so hot it made me delirious, I couldn’t see, I couldn’t speak I wanted to rip my skin off and I was still being very sick. I’d just had my baby and I couldnt hold her, change her, dress or cuddle her and that’s what hurt the most without sounding dramatic I felt like I was going to die. My skin was burning they had 2 fans on me wet towels on my head and I still felt as hot as a volcano. I don’t even remember them finishing stitching me up I don’t think I was even on planet earth at this point I was so Poorly I just wanted to die I couldn’t even hold my own head up all I really remember is laying on the bed shouting for someone to please help me. I’d didn’t know who had my baby where she was or anything. My body was in the gutter. Anyway eventually things calmed down I had an injection to stop the sickness and I got wheeled round to obversation ward where I had to quickly have antibiotics through a drip pain killers and yet more sick bowls despite the antisicknesss injection. My baby was hours old and I still hadn’t properly held her. I had blood gushing out of me down below with no way of clearing it up so I had to let the midwives change my pants and pads and clean me up which was humiliating but bugger me those women deserve a medal! The stuff they helped me with was just very overwhelming one lovely midwife even brushed and put my hair up in a bun for me. Hubby went home a few hours later and I had to watch as the midwives fed and change my baby girl as my body still was just numb and sore I felt such a failure. It was getting on for 4pm and I still hadn’t held her properly except for a few seconds once she was born. I hadn’t even spoken to anyone yet either so I gave mum a message and she called me and I just broke down hysterically crying so she jumped in the car and came up to the hospital.

Still on observation ward it’s getting on for dinner time and they bring me a plate of food that looks like a bloody dogs dinner the site of it anyway after all that being sick I really couldn’t stomach anything more so I asked for another cheese sandwich for later on. Before I was allowed to go up to my room I had to beable to stand up and walk. So yeah that was a barrel of laughs trying to get out of bed and I forgot to mention I had a catheter in so I also have to walk around with a bag if my own piss attached to me. Big thumbs up for that. But by the miracle of god I somehow got out of bed and did a few steps across the room managed some toast and water and it was decided I could go up! Yay. So off we went up to my final destination. I’m so lucky to get a room to myself. I had a fridge, tv and private toilet and shower. It almost felt like a hotel room. The only thing to do now was try and have my first wee…. That’s fun trying to sit down on the toilet with god knows how many stitches don’t even get me started on what it’s like taking a shit!! Dinner time arrived and you guessed it another cheese sandwich! You’d think I’d be sick of cheese sandwiches by now but I’m not quite brave enough to try the “real” hospital food. So me and baby got comfortable for the night.

Fast forward to the next morning we had a comfortable night except the midwife keep coming in during the night to do our blood pressure and give me pain relief. Quite early this morning I had a visit from a doctor who came to speak to me about the blood loss it turns out I lost quite abit approx 1.5 litres… then I get hit with the news I need a blood transfusion. Obviously I consented but a part of me felt super weird having someone else’s blood put into me. So off we went downstairs to have the transfusion I had to go through a load of stuff and confirm my blood type then off we went…. Drip drip drip so that took a couple of hours me and baby just lead there chilling whilst the magic happend, then the midwife came round and asked what I’d like to eat as I needed to because of the transfusion. Any guesses what I went for? You’d think I’d be sick of cheese sandwiches by now but honestly they are rather quite good, easy to eat and the safest option.

So that took a couple of hours then me and baby were allowed to go back up to our room where we had a visit from hubby and Rex! Which was amazing I got very tearful seeing my little boy after what I’d just gone through. So we ordered a McDonalds to the hospital (Yes you can do that) and all sat and had food together and Rex had his first cuddle with his baby sis.

Night time came around again and after tonight’s obs I got given these ridiclous looking socks to cover my legs because they are so bloody swollen I can hardly walk on my feet.

So another night of observations and we’re told we can be discharged today! So all we have to do is wait around for the discharge papers, medication and to have my Cannula out. Which took alllllll day! One more cheese sandwich just to see me off properly and lots more waiting But hey ho we got there in the end so off I went with my medication and new baby to start a new chapter at home.

I’d like to thank all the staff at the John Radcliffe hospital for wiping my tears away, changing my pants for me, getting covered in my sick and taking real good care of me and not forgetting supplying me with all those cheese sandwiches! Those guys deserve the world and more! God bless the NHS 💙

Well today was a turn out for the books. What started as a routine consultant appointment turned out to be me coming away with a date to be induced which I really didn’t see coming!!

Usually pregannt women are under consultant care when theve got underlying health conditions, overweight or just having a few extra problems in pregnancy. For me it’s because my BMI is high and my blood pressure hasn’t always been what it’s supposed to be. So every few months I’ve had to go up to the JR in Oxford to be seen. It starts off in clinic seeing a nurse for the usual wee sample, blood pressure and weight check then you have to go back into the waiting room and wait to be seen by your consultant. Which is usually a 10 min chat about what’s been happening ect ect. Which is what I assumed today was about!

Oh I was so wrong. So I did my deed and pissed in my little pot, had all my other bits and pieces done then went into see the consultant who was sooooo lovely!! we talked about Labour and my concerns because for anybody who doesn’t know I didn’t have the easiest of times with Rex I was so long in Labour he ended up being forceps delivery and I lost over 2litres of blood! Yikes that still makes my hair stand on end thinking about it now. So naturally I’m absolutely petrified of that happening again and them not being able to stop the bleeding ect. So we had a good old chat about the what if’s and actually the consultant reassured me if it happens again there’s many things they can do to stop the bleeding, ranging from a pack, to a balloon they shove up you to put pressure on the bleeding spot to stop it, and even a small operation to sew the womb up which sounds horrific but to be honest I’d rather be alive. Worst case scenerio would be a hysterectomy but that’s extreamly rare apparently. They are also having blood on standby for me if I need it. So even though I’m still shitting myself at least I know what they can do this time.

So I thought the appointment was over at this point then she springs on me that they want to induce me between 40-41 weeks!! Shit so in a couple of weeks I’m deffo having this baby!! So she rings up the maternity unit to book me in for my induction and I almost fell off my chair when she said there’s a spot next Monday!! Which just happens to be my due date and only 5 days away. So we’ve got to be up the hospital for 6:30am on Monday the 26th to be induced!! Trying not to hyperventilate just writing this because shit just got real and it turns out I’m actually having a baby in 5 days!!

Secretly I’m really glad I’m being induced because the thought of being in labour at home or out and about scares the bejebbas out of me!! So if baby girl could hang on in there for a few more days that would be Marvellous.

As far as the induction goes I don’t know what they have planned. The first time around I had a gel put into me that’s supposed to start Labour off but it didn’t work so next I had a hormone drip which was absolutely brutal! But it did the trick and got me into Labour. So we will see what happens this time. Please think of me and send me all positive energy and vibes for Monday and probabley the next time I speak to you all I should have a baby❤️

Z

Xxx

Rightio. It’s officially 1 and abit weeks until I pop this baby out and I’ve been abit slack on the preparations so it’s time to get myself organised and ready!!

FINALLY I’ve packed my hospital bag. Dunno why but I’ve been putting it off and off but I eventually gave in and realised shit I actually have to do this. So….. what have I packed? Pretty much everything except the kitchen sink. We went shopping to primark this week so I could buy some shorts and strappy tops to pack. Even treated myself to a new pack of pants! So in they went. I’ve not bothered with socks cause let’s face it it’s June it’s hot and I’ve not been able to get regular shoes on for weeks now. So I’ve also go shampoo conditioner and shower gel toothpaste and a toothbrush. All the boring shit went in first to get it out the way. Not forgetting those sanitary pads because you bleed like a mother fucker after having a baby! In goes in a bar of chocolate and bag of haribo because hey chocolate just makes everything better! Not forgetting a water bottle medication and a book. PLEASE somebody remind me to pack my phone charger when I go into Labor! Probabley the thing I will be most pissed off if I end up forgetting!! Baby’s bag is just the obvious really. Clothes, Muslin cloths, nappies and milk ect ect not forgetting her first outfit that I’ve had picked out for AGES and her cute little bobble hat. Last thing to go in was a little bag of pressies for Rex. So that when he comes to visit his new sister she has some presents for him 💕

Another priority for me was getting the crib out and buying a new matress because that’s what’s recommended so tonight we found out the crib unwrapped the new matress and put the sheet on so baby bed is all ready and raring to go! all we need now is a tiny baby to fill it.

This may sound ridiculous but a big priority for me is keeping the house clean and tidy. Well as much as I can with a messy 3 year old lurking around every corner! Making sure the washing up is done every night because I won’t going into labour in the middle of the night and leaving a mess/washing up in the sink so weve been keeping on top of the tidying which is really nice now i actually have time to do it with not being at work.

Next on the list is car! For anyone who knows my hubby his car is a pit of rubbish. So tomorow he is cleaning that little bugger out till it’s spotless. Not a chance in hell I’m bringing a new baby home from hospital in a messy car!!

And last but not least one of the most important things for me is sort my body out! And by that I mean tidy up my lady bits and shave me legs which haven’t been done in what feels like eternity! Cause let’s face it giving birth is bad enough without the midwife having a face full of hairy snatch to contend with so I’m really doing them a favour. Fucking hell that’s a mission and a half isn’t it… trying to shave your fanny when you can’t see bugger all! Christ almighty climbing Mount Everest in flip flops would have been easier, it took me a lifetime but sheer determination and I got there in the end. I thought the legs would be the easy part how wrong could I be. You ever tried reaching your ankle with a 9 month old baby in the sodding way? I just about made it without slipping over in the shower I didn’t get away unscathed though multiple cuts from just trying to reach but again I got there in the end. Hopefully I don’t have to go over it a second time before baby comes!!

So that’s it… bags packed, cot ready all we need now is a baby. Which could come anytime in the next 3 weeks. Anyone got any predictions when she’s coming? Let me know in the comments.

Z

Xxx

You guessed it. The dreaded chicken pox had hit our house last week and hit it hard. Poor Rexy doesn’t know weather he’s coming or going.

It all started a couple of days ago I noticed a Red spot on his neck but didn’t really think anything of it as he’s quite an accident Prone child always bumping or bashing into something. So off he went to bed with no other thoughts about it. Next morning comes around I go to take his pjamas off and holy mother of god his whole back was covered in big blotchy red spots I was really taken aback at how quick they had come on!

So ofcorse that meant the rest of the week off pre-school and unfortunately cancel our trip to the fair. But he was okay in himself which I was really pleased about still running round like a little knobhead causing havoc. Then it suddenly dawned on me…SHIT chicken pox is really dangerous for pregnant women if you’ve never had it before! thankfully I’m like 90% sure I had it as a child so I called mum up to double check and she starts panicking not being able to remember so I got advised to call my GP to check my records but unfortunately it wasn’t on my records. So next I called my midwife who said not to panic and to come in for a blood test to check my immunity which should tell if I’ve had it before. So that’s exactly what I did. I popped along to the hospital and got my bloods done. Midwife doesn’t seem to concerned so fingers and toes crossed it’s all ok. Results pending….

Anyway back home to my spotty little fella and the spots are really coming out now and getting very aggressive, poor wee man he’s covered, legs, face, back, in his hair and even on his gentleman’s area and as the evening is progressing he’s getting very uncomfortable and itchy. Cool bath and dabbing with a sponge to try and help with the pain/itch bless him. Thankfully I picked up some camomile lotion today whilst I was out so we’ve slathered him up in that hoping he will beable to get some sleep. So off he went no problem only to wake up and hour later bleeding where he’d been scratching so much. He’s so fustrated and it’s making me very emotional seeing him in such a state. So we’ve let him up to watch the tv in hopes he will tire himself out enough to have a good sleep tonight and Tomorow we shall rince and repeat with the camomile lotion and hopefully get my blood results back and fingers crossed it will say I’ve had it as I really don’t know what happens if I haven’t! Update: he was up all sodding night crying in pain so none of us have really had much sleep and are all exhausted. It can only get better from here on out right?

It really is all go isn’t it. You get past one hurdle to be hit by another. But hey at least he’s got it now and not whilst there’s a newborn baby in the house. Pray for a speedy recovery for litte Rex.

Hopefully give you all an update soon

Update: my blood test came back saying I’m immune! So we’re all good.

Z

Xxx

I’ve not long got home from a miwife and perinatal mental health appoitment and I’m feeling so Incredibly humbled and lucky that I have the BEST midwife and medical professionals around me and I’d like to tell you a little about it.

When I fell pregant for a second time I was really praying I’d have the same midwife as I had before as she was so wonderful and treated me so well. So you can imagine my excitement when I found out I had the same midwife the second time around! her name is Becky and she is just incredible, she not only looks after my health during pregnancy but my mental health and she’s so caring and really goes out of her way to make me feel comfortable and happy. We always chat about day to day stuff it’s like seeing an old friend. She’s talked through my grief with me and done absolutely everything she can to make me feel ok I honestly couldn’t ask for better care and I am really going to miss her once I’m no longer pregnant.

Luckily for me my mental health was fine during my first pregnancy so I had no extra support as I really didn’t need it. This time around has been slightly different. For a couple of different reasons my mental health hasn’t been 100% this time around which makes me quite sad as I should be enjoying my pregnancy but sadly that hasn’t always been the case this time. And so my midwife referred me to the perinatal mental health team who specialise in helping pregnant women. I was really quite frightened at first as I wasn’t sure what to expect. Initially I had a video call with a lady which I wrote about in a previous blog. Which was kind of uncomfortable to say the least video calling someone you’ve never met to talk about really personal private things anyway this time around I would be meeting them face to face at the same time as my midwife which already made me feel more comfortable.

So today off I went to the appointment feeling really nervous and not quite sure what to expect there were 4 of us in the room, the midwife, perinatal mental health nurse me and a student midwife and we chatted and made a plan for the birth. Going through things that might trigger me to feel bad and things they can do to help me such as being put in a private quiet room by myself and not on a ward which I have to say is going to be a massive help. Talking through my anixetys becaue my last birth was so bad I’m terrified of the same thing happening again. Theve even talked about possibly having a planned induction so that I don’t have the anixety of going into labour at home but I’m not to sure how I feel about that. Aswel as all this once I’m in hospital they will make sure I’m having constant conversations about how I’m feeling with the midwives and doctors and monitoring my sleep because when I don’t sleep thats when I tend to get poorly so we got all that sorted plus some other bits and peices including a visit from a mental health doctor before I am discharged home just to check all is well. On top of that I also get support once I’ve left the hospital with baby. Which to be honest is what I’m most worried about. Having a 3-4 week old baby during the second anniversary of my brothers death is at this moment just unimaginable to me because last year I completely broke down the night before and was walking the streets balling my eyes out at 2am so I’m going to need a lot of extra support this time around, so they’ve already booked me in to see them right before the anniversary which already feels like a weight off my shoulders. And after my appointment today I am confident they are going to look after me.

So birth plan for my mental health is done and ticked off the list which up until the other day I didn’t even know such a thing existed!! But I’m really glad it does. Now for the actual birth plan? Nah not a chance. If I learnt anything the first time around it’s not to plan because you can plan as much as you want how you want to give birth but the matter of fact is it’s probably not going to go the way you planned.

All I can hope for is a smooth ride mentally and physically, the way it’s looking I’ve got all the right support in place to make that happen.

Z

Xxx

I think it’s about time I wrote a positive post. It all seems to be abit doom and gloom around here and I’ve realised how boring that makes me look so I thought I’d run through a few things that are really great about pregnancy. Because believe it or not it’s actually really great growing a little human.

One of the loveliest things I found was when you first see those 2 lines appear on the test and realise holy shit I’m actually pregnant that how cool it is to just keep it to yourself for the first 3 months. The only people we told were our parents. So I was just wondering around with a tiny little baby growing inside me and nobody had any idea and I quite enjoyed that little secret.

One of the best things is….. shopping!! Oh yes the amount of stuff I’ve bought this baby is never going to wear half of it I swear. The second we found out we were having a girl I was straight down the shops buying pretty pink things, little suits and bows and lots of pink flowery clothes, we really have gone mad, most evenings I spend my time scrolling through Amazon adding to my wishlish more beautiful clothes and bits and bobs we might need. The wardrobe is fit to burst!!

Most of my other posts about my body I’m usually talking about how much it sucks to be pregnant and sometimes it does BUT…. There’s actually some really good positives and I’d like to share them with you. My skin is the BEST it’s ever been. I swear to god it’s so soft and luxurious and everyone seems to be commenting on my tan! When I’ve hardly been in the sun! From what I’ve read on google you tan a lot quicker when your pregnant. Now For those who may or may not know I have very low self esteem I hate the way I look, I think about it 24/7 about how fat and ugly I am. BUT being pregnant I can honestly say gives me such a confidence boost, I like the way I look pregnant, and I love a good bump selfie! As anyone who follows me on Instagram can probably guess. I really do like myself when I’m pregnant and that’s something I never thought I’d say so that’s a real positive for me.

Following on from how good my body feels can I just point out I have minimal stretch marks!! Clearly the size of me I had some before getting up the duff but how on earth I got so lucky to avoid them on my massive pregnant belly I will never know but stretch marks put the fear of god into me and I’m soooo happy I’ve managed to avoid the worst of it. (Btw stretch marks are absolutely fine) I’m just happy I’ve avoided worse.

As far as weight gain goes I got weighed yesterday at the hospital and ive only put on 20lbs which actually isn’t to bad considering I lost a stone just from giving birth to Rex. So fingers crossed once I’ve birthed this baby most of it will bugger off and I won’t be left with to much weight to lose. Whilst I’m on the subject of weight gain can I just tell you how I’ve eaten what the hell I liked for the last 9 months and not given a shit about it! I mean it might come back to bite me on the bum but I’ve enjoyed stuffing my face with Easter eggs and biscuits and I’ve not felt guilty about it once.

My absolute favourite thing in the world to do…. SLEEP yes that’s right I’ve slept soooooo much this pregnancy and do I feel guilty about I? Do I heck! I’ve even let Rex have a few cheeky naps with me because I’ve been so desperate to sleep and by god I’ve enjoyed every single one of them. I shall miss my mid morning naps a lot once little lady is here.

Probabley the final thing I can think of and one of the biggest perks, can you guess it? NO PERIODS!! that’s right!! I don’t have the hassle of having to deal with that monthly little devil and it’s bloody glorious! Specially in hot weather we all know what a ball ache having your period in the summer is! And once again I’ve managed to avoid it. Hurrah!!

So you see there really is some positives to being pregnant, I promise you I don’t always talk about the bad things. I’ve got 2 weeks left and i intend to try and enjoy them as much as possible eating what the fuck I like sleeping and taking even more selfies!

Z

Xxx

Here we are at 35 weeks! How on earth has that happend sooooo quickly? I can’t believe I havent done a post about this before !!

But better late then never right? For a long time now my baby has been VERY active. It all started around 16-18 weeks ish (I think) it seems so long ago now, I really should have been on my game and written about it when it was happening but hey ho here we are.

Baby’s first movements are something of nothing really. You can be lead there thinking was that a baby or a fart? That’s really how little they move in the beginning. And so the weeks pass and gradually it’s like WTF is that!!

Tiny little “kicks” or whatever Is going on in there start happening, still very tiny but soon they turn into a full on game of football being played inside your stomach. The NHS guidance do say that there is no set pattern of movement but do keep and eye on what’s happening. Somewhere around the 20 week mark I suddenly stopped feeling baby move which was really odd as she’s usually front and center letting me know who’s boss. I tried jiggling my stomach around to get her to move but nothing. I ended up getting checked and all was fine thankfully.

Anyway moving on. Currently at 35 weeks and this baby loves to boot the absolute shit out of me on a regular basis. and I’m not talking the odd kick here and there I’m talking full on somersaults inside me which at times make me feel rather queezy, seeing your own stomach move about in such a way is very bizzare!! She usually likes to spring into action around bedtime when I’m lead down “trying” to relax, that’s when her acrobatics really take shape and I’m lead trying not to wince at being booted senseless.

The worst part about this little lady kicking the crap out of me is 9 times out of 10 right in my bladder making me need a piss every 20 seconds. which you can imagine is great fun even more so at bedtime when I need to roll my fat self out of bed a million times during the night.

So I’ve been told by the midwife she’s head down. (Poor girl) which means her legs are just waving around happily kicking me in the ribs which she rather enjoys doing. It’s amazing really to think that in 5 weeks she will hopefully If not late like her brother be here for real kicking her legs around. Because she don’t half like to move it move it!

Z

Xx

Jesus bollocking Christ I feel SO UNCOMFORTABLE and I need to tell you all about it before I explode with sheer umcomfortableness.

Something I’m experiencing for the first time… bum pain! What the actual fuck. Bum pain? Yes! My arse bloody aches so bad at times I wonder wether I’ve actually started early labour or sat on a bag of rocks. Why on earth is my bum hurting. Of all things that could get sore during this time I never thought my bottom would be suffering so!

Moving up, the bump!! Hard as a rock very sore tight and very uncomfortable. Fat and in the way, it’s just annoying and very very irritating, some days it’s even a chore just to get up from the sofa, other days (Like today) it just makes me want to rip my skin off because I’m so uncomfortable. I fail miserably every morning trying to put my own socks on and don’t even get my started about trying to pull my trousers up unaided. Rolling out of bed in the morning is a whole diffrent story.

Next is quite unsetteling. Who knew you could get fanny pain during this glorious time. Like wtf is happening with the v Jay Jay… I don’t think I need to say much more so will just leave it at that for now.

Boobies! Oh the glorious magnisifinant things put on earth to annoy the shit out of any pregnant women. Not only do they grow significantly, but my bloody nipples either hurt like fuck or itch so bad I have to wip my bra off as soon as I get in the front door! My bra only just contains the beasts these days. And don’t even get me started on the boob sweat during a mildly warm day.

Have I spoken about how bloody swollen everything gets?? My feet are like a yetis, swelling up so I can just about get my shoes on each morning. I darent take them off in fear i won’t get them back on again. My big fat sausage fingers are really not the most appealing feature on my body right now, all my rings have had to come off because I really didn’t fancy a trip down to the hospital to get them removed. And on the bad days I can barely just make a fist. But hey ho we solider on.

I bet your thinking I’m a right old whinge bag. But hey I’m fat I’m pregnant and I’m allowed to whinge every now and again. Specially rolling a round like an umpa lumpa and. about to pop.

So there you have it. That’s my whinge done for the day. Untill next time 👍

Z

Xxx