The Z word

Tag: pregnancy

  • Chuffing hell…

    Hello 36 weeks!!

    How are we here already? It only feels like yesterday I was sat on the loo pants round my ankles staring at that test with the 2 lines knowing my life was about to change forever.

    We’ve had a few bumps along the way it’s been a long old road this time but fear not we are finally nearing the end. After finishing work yesterday I feel pretty relaxed and ready to rest up.

    The first day of maternity leave is spent up the hospital again for my 36 week growth scan, if you’ve been following my journey from the start you’d know there’s been a few little hiccups happening. One of them being baby possibly not growing as she should so it’s meant extra checks and extra scans but thankfully I can tell you she’s absolutely perfect. And after todays result I can confirm she’s weighing in at 5lb 13!! She’s predicted to be a similar weight to Rex who was 7lb 8oz. Which is a massive sign of relief for my fanny knowing I’m not going to be forcing a 10 pounder out!

    But todays story isn’t over quite yet. Oh no. In true Zoe fashion there’s always got to be a little added drama thrown in for the thrill of it. So off I went up the hospital (On the bus) heavily pregnant like the sassy independent queen I am. I got there a tad early so went to drop off some hats that people have been knitting for the babies born here.

    To my suprise my appointment was running on time! This like NEVER happens. I had a really lovely lady so up I jumped on the bed, belly full of jelly and she starts scanning away. She can see the head, spine toes and everything inbetween! All looks great which I’m super happy about obviously!

    Now I told you nothing ever goes down without some form of drama and todays suprise sprung on me right at the last moment was going to be an INTERNAL scan. Oh fuck my life! I felt the life drain out of me when she said she needs to go diving in knees deep internally to get a good look at the placenta! I was SOOOOO not prepared for this to be happening today I mean abit of prior warning would have been nice but we will just go with it and see what happens. I mean I’ve not got round to shaving my chuff or anything yet! I thought I had a good few weeks before some poor soul had the pleasure of looking at my down stairs. And I’m pretty sure my legs ain’t seen a razor in a long while due to the fact that I can’t reach a fucking thing below my belly! So the sonographer was in for a real treat.

    So here we go get ready! in enters another nurse because they need to have a chaperone these days. Fucking Marvelous just what I clearly need ANOTHER person to witness this monstrosity! Deep breath, knickers down, feet up, legs wide open for the whole of Oxford to see and in she goes. Ummmm yeah somewhat mildly entertaining/ humiliating but hey I’ve got worse to come in a few short weeks! Lead on my back staring up at the celing tiles trying not to think about the massive probe thingey I’ve got shoved up my chuff I actually felt very vulnerable and tearful but then after a couple of minutes I realised hey I can write a blog about this and it will all be ok, that’s the power of writing you see, when you blog about difficult shit like this you feel that little bit less alone and it’s you guys I have to thank for getting me through situations like this one.

    After a good old rummage around up the cave of doom and she’s done and can confirm the placenta is in the right place! Phew! One less thing to worry about. Now to get my pants back on as quickly as possible and claw back any dignity I have left in this room before I have to shamelessly get the bus home again.

    Wiping the jelly off me and pulling my knickers up as fast as humanly possible I think I’ve managed to retain some dignity and make it back to the bus stop in one peice. The walk of shame to the bus stop if only everyone passing me knew what had just happend I’m quietly laughing in my head about it all.

    So that ladies and gentleman is it! My last scan before little lady enters the world. Ahhhh!! Someone please remind me to tidy up my lady area before the big event in a few weeks!

    Catch up soon.

    Z

    Xxx

  • The Cupcake King. Baking with Rex

    I absolutely love that my boy loves making cakes as much as I do! He really likes getting hands on with weighing and mixing aswell as sneakily eating the sprinkles when he thinks mummy ain’t looking! So I promised him we’d make some cakes on my day off so that’s exactly what we did! Below is how it went plus the recipe if you’d like to try making some yourself!

    Cupcakes

    250g caster sugar

    250g Margerine

    250g self raising flour

    4 eggs

    LOTS OF SPRINKLES !!

    Method

    Weigh out all Ingredients and set your oven to 160oc

    Beat the marge and sugar together until fluffy

    Slowly add the eggs and beat hard until creamy

    Tip in all the flour and mix slowly until combined.

    Add some sprinkles and chocolate chips then spoon into cupcake cases and bake on 160oc for approx 20 min.

    So off we went! Apron on and Chef Rex was ready and raring to go. Weighing the ingredients like a pro he was having a ball! all we need for next time is a big tall white hat.

    He was being very helpful and very tidy which made mummy happy!

    In go the sprinkles!
    All ready to go in the oven!
    Decorated with buttercream m&ms and magic stars. Yummy!

    Z

    Xxx

  • Ultrasound Direct. Our early scan

    If you’re anything like me and by that I mean the most inpatient person in the world then you’d know I’ve been chomping at the bit to find out the gender of our baby as early as possible. So it’s a bloody good job we knew exactly where to go as I’ve been in this predicament before! That’s right we also had a private scan to find out that Rex was a boy because I was sooooo desperate to know.

    Now the clinic we used last time was absolutely cracking. It’s called ultrasound direct and it’s In Oxford buisness park, they specialise in diffrent things. One of those being gender scans apparently they’ve only got one wrong in the whole time theve been open! Which puts my mind as ease because the NHS hospital scan isn’t actually designed to find out the gender they just so happen to beable to tell you it. (If they can) anyway back to ultrasound direct, they do a scan for pretty much anything you just have to pick which one you’d like. We had 2 options… gender reveal scan where they don’t tell you the gender and instead it gets put into a secret envelope and you also get a big confetti cannon filled with either blue or pink confetti. Or you can go for just the gender scan where they basically just tell you what your having. Which is the one we went for.

    So off we popped on Saturday morning to go find out wheather it’s 💕 or 💙 now the building has moved from when we last went and it’s not signposted very well so it took abit of finding but we got there eventually with about 2 minutes to spare. But as we walked through the door I could see the receptionists face sink as she said to me “Oh didn’t you know we don’t allow children in” OH FUCK we’d only taken Rex with us hadn’t we!! And I really don’t want to go in on my own. But very kindly they agreed to sneak Rex in. Now I’m not sure how anyone sneaks Rex into anything as he ain’t exactly the quietest of chaps but we managed it!

    We had a lovely lady called Alison and she was magnificent. Before revealing the gender she did a number of diffrent checks and showed us the heart beat. Then…. She pulled out this laminated sheet and told us what the diffrent “bits” of the baby look like and could we guess before she tells us. Oh crickey I ain’t qualified for this sort of thing! So basically we’re either looking for a little willy OR a little line which is the sign it’s a girl. After abit of jiggling about it was kinda hard to tell but then I saw the line!! To scared to say girl incase I was wrong and looked like a ungrateful idiot for not saying boy I said ummm a girl? I think… I’m not sure.

    CONGRATULATIONS…. It’s a girl she said! All I heard was a big cheer from hubby as he was desperate for a girl! I don’t really know what was going through my head but I was excited, scared and humbled all in one! One of each we’re going to have one of each how lucky are we! Then it suddenly dawns on me. Oh shit I don’t know what I’m doing with a girl! My life had been consumed by boy stuff for nearly 4 years I have absolutely no idea how to shop for a girl or anything!! Anyway we finshed up and had about 6-7 scan photos given to us then we left. The scan cost us £60 which isn’t to bad in my opinion.

    And so there you have it! We are having a girl! How bloody exciting. June can’t come quick enough 💕 until next time.

    Z

    Xxx

  • Heartbeat ❤️

    I figured we needed a little update. I am now 15 weeks pregnant with my little bean. (Gender still to be determined) so what’s been happening?

    Well I’m finally (just about) over this horrible cough flu thing I’ve had, my stomach is VERY twingey and stretchy even though I still don’t think I’m showing yet. That’s the problem with being fat and pregnant nobody can really tell if you are still fat or actually pregnant.

    Anyhow… off I popped for my 15 week check up with my lovely midwife Rebecca. Same midwife I had last time by the way which I am SO RELIEVED about as she’s so lovely and caring. So we did the usual pee test. Oh how I’ve not missed pissing in the worlds smallest test tube! We did a few bits like checking for early pre eclampsia and some blood tests ect. Then it was time to Listen to baby’s heartbeat for the first time!! Ekkkkk

    So off I lay on that really awkwardly Shaped table top pulled up (Which I felt so self conscious about as I’m not exactly a size 4) now I forgot to mention I had Rex with me in this appointment who may I add sat watching YouTube on my phone behaving impeccably! Or untill he saw the Doppler Machien he started crying and getting really upset I’m not quite sure what he thought it was but he wasn’t happy! Anyway on goes the Doppler Machien thingey few minuets of trying and nothing then all of a sudden BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM the heartbeat!! And oh my god rex belly laughed like I’ve never heard him laugh before in my life!! It was hillarious so much so that me and the midwife were in hysterics aswell which really made the experience rather fun, so Thankyou to rex for that!!

    Now for the not so nice bit. This conversation actually put the fear of god into me. Basically when giving birth to Rex I had to be “cut” yes and by cut I mean I had my fanny sliced open like a tin of corned beef, and as a consequence of that I ended up losing 2 litres of blood which to this day still makes me shiver!! Anyhow long story short I’m classed as high risk so when I go into labour I absolutely have to be at the hospital and I have to have a blood transfusion and emergency doctor on stand by plus a couple of other bits that I really didn’t understand so that kinda put a dampener on the whole thing but I guess it’s better to be prepared!!

    Till next time

    Z

    Xxx

  • Negative

    I sit here today writing this after getting yet another negative pregnancy test. Asking myself WHY? Almost another year in trying for baby number 2 and still nothing. I thought the first time around was just bad luck but here I am going through it all again.

    What I don’t understand is why. Why does it take me SO long to get preggers?? Why do I have such bad luck?? Upon the first few months I was so casual about it so I didn’t get myself in the state I did the first time round. But a year later and I’m crying my eyes out because every Tom dick and Harry around me is getting pregnant and having babies and I just don’t understand why I can’t get pregnant AGAIN 😩

    It’s so tough. And it’s so hard because you just don’t talk about it with people. Me especially because I think it’s “bad luck” but clearly it’s not. It’s such a lonely place to be. Seeing everyone else walking around with a bun in the oven after only trying for 5 minutes. It hurts and I’m a very bitter person right now.

    When’s my turn?

    I think I’m slowly going bananas, I spend hours online watching videos of other women taking pregnancy tests scrolling through all these videos over and over and over until I just can’t take anymore. In my weird little head I watch these vidoes so much I think well they are pregnant so that must mean I am to! Every night I’m up till god knows what time in the morning googling pregnancy, googling symptoms and god knows what else. I just can’t stop it’s like a sickness.

    Every pregnancy announcement is like a kick in the balls I smile and try to be happy but fuck me am I gutted. Gutted that I don’t know what the future is going to hold, will I beable to have another baby? Who knows. I guess all I can do is keep trying and hope that one day I get my second positive. Last week I had some blood tests that confirmed my hormone levels are quite low which was a kick in gut, I’m booked in for more tests next week so until then I just need all the luck in the world.

    Z

    Xxx

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