Fanny frolics

Pardon my openness for this next bit of writing I’m about to surprise you with! You know me by now I don’t shy away from things easily, I bet your thinking how can she fill a whole post just about vaginas? Believe me im going to give it a bloody good go.

It’s all good and well having a baby until you look down and realise your fanny AKA vagina what ever you want to call it looks like a complete and utter car crash. I know every women is different and every birth is different. I can’t comment on the unfortunate event of tearing down below during labour but I can only sympathise ! Unfortunately for me I can comment on the very nasty experience of being cut. Yes actually cut in my women’s area with an actual knife! Sounds horrific doesn’t it?

I can only thank the lord that I was lucky enough to be under the influence of an epidural plus extra aneshetic when they so kindly sliced my lady parts open to squeeze that baby out. At the time I felt nothing at all I didn’t even know they’d done it, result !! Until… the dreaded moment the pain relief started to wear off and I kid you not I felt like I had passed a tree trunk not a baby! That’s the moment I realised my vagina will never be the same again.

The interesting part about all this is the fact that I still had to wee and poo whilst trying to not push to hard and rip the stitches out that was basically holding everything up inside me. The fun began whilst taking my first wee after the birth, my god I thought I’d ripped myself a new one! I’m sure everyone who’s had a baby can vouch for me and say There’s nothing quite like the sting of your first wee after giving birth.

That’s the easy part, weeing is a peice of piss ( excuse the pun!! ) what they don’t tell you in hospital is how to successfully “try” and have a poo without feeling like your entire insides will drop out of you with every push you make. What I can tell you is thankfully your body is clever and most women don’t actually go for a poo for a couple of days after giving birth so you do have time to heal slightly and make a plan of action before the almighty poo saga starts. Remember don’t push to hard ladies!

In all seriousness though those stitches need to be kept clean and intact because if you are like me and unlucky I had the added bonus of my stitches coming out thrown in for a bit of good measure, we don’t know how or why they came out, I was having a fiddle one day down there to see if my fanny was recovering and I felt this “hole” so I did the only thing a self respecting woman in my situation would do… got my husband to take a photo, me legs wide open catching a draft with him down there trying to get a good shot, the comedy that goes on in my house is another story for another day!! Anyway my midwife checked it out and confirmed the end of my stitches had come undone. Which made me even more terrified to go to the toilet! After a week or so of being checked over they eventually healed.

That was 8 weeks ago almost and since then there’s been no fanny frolics I’ve not really paid much attention to my growler until tonight.. when I decided to have a little fiddle down below to see how things we’re progressing and as I had a poke about I found this really painful spot right where my stitches had been. I’m no doctor so can’t really comment on what I think it is because I have no idea I just know it’s bloody sore when it’s poked. I know what you are thinking… don’t poke it and it won’t hurt. Yeah I get that but in the back of my mind I’m worrying I’ve not healed completely, should I make a doctors appointment? Probably yes. To be honest I’ve had enough of the whole of Oxford hospital looking at my bits and feel abit shy to get it all out again. But the sensible part of me knows it’s worth doing that if I want my lady parts to go back to normal or as normal as they can be after pushing a 10 ton baby out!

Vaginas are amazing things and don’t get nearly enough credit they deserve for the hard work they go through birthing a baby, healing then doing it all over again for the next one, it’s pretty amazing when you think about it! Us women are made of steel and can do things we never even imagined once in that delivery room. We are even more heroic for bouncing back so quickly and walking round like everything is ok in our underpants when actually we are working hard to hold everything in!!

I would like to dedicate this post to my amazing magical courageous vagina for not only giving me my perfect little baby but for going through hell and back and proudly walking out the other side with its head held high!

Happy healing !!



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