Home-wrecker

pregnancy

Who knew that cute little son of mine was actually a mini Satan in disguise. Running around with his little red horns and spikey tail taking out anything in his path. I can’t be the only one whose house goes from perfection to natural disaster in 0.4 seconds?

The term wrecking ball is putting it lightly to describe the sheer devistation a toddler on a mission can accomplish. And the small ones are the worst because they can play the “I’m pretending I don’t understand the word no” when in actual fact they KNOW exactly what they are doing wrong. They just choose to raid the kitchen cupboards and walk around the house carrying a frying pan because it’s dam fun ok!

If your not quite at THAT stage yet where you’re child will grab everything in site and throw it on the floor then your in for a real treat. Expect to find the most unexpected items lurking around on your floor when you’re child gets to this stage. If a day goes by where I don’t trip over on a hairbrush or Cereal bowl then I wonder what the hell my child has been up to all day. If I can see the carpet at any time I have to stop and check he’s still here!!

Guests who come to my house look at me thinking does this women never tidy!? Listen up sister il be dammed if I’m running around after his tiny ass all day collecting all the random shit he chooses to play with and most of the time break because who needs a tv in the living room anyway? It’s way more fun to hit the screen and damage the inside. Mummy and daddy can afford to buy a new one. Kindly vacate the building Rex ( Thats my polite way of saying F**k Off. ) just a heads up to anyone coming round to watch the telly until further notice there will be a big black line up the middle of the screen. Thanks mini Satan for that one!! And if you happen to trod on anything upon entry please just leave it there where you found it and it will be tidied away later.

Please take no notice of the damage done to the interiors of my house. We’ve had the stair gate ripped from the wall. Cuboard doors yanked from their hinges and basically anything Rex height has either been damaged ripped apart or stained. Who needs a clean house anyway 🤷‍♀️. Oh we have a new fun game to play in this house. It’s called put your hands down the toilet and splash in the water. *eye rolls* all toilet doors are now locked until further notice. Please have a piss before you come round until told otherwise.

So there we have it. Our house has basically been transformed into a party house. We’ve got babys lining up to get in and take turns trashing the joint. It’s all in a days work!

Z

Xxx

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