Don’t fear the smear

The reason for this post is ultimately the result of my smear test coming back with abnormal cells which meant ofcorse I had to have more people poke me up the fanny. JOY!!

So let’s go back to October 2020 my routine smear test unfortunately came back saying I had the HPV virus. Before you all gasp in disgust HPV is not actually a sexually transmitted disease. Most women actually have it and sometimes will never know they even had it. It just meant that I had to come back this year for another smear just to make sure nothing had changed. Now unfortunately for me mine had some abnormal cells found. After a lot of tears and talking to the right people I discovered it’s not actually as bad as what my anxiety riddled head thinks it is. “Phew”

So I had to go off up to the John Radcliffe hospital so the doctors could shove a telescope up my chuff and find out what was going on. I actually had no idea just how invasive and how vunrable it would make me feel. *DISCLAIMER* This is not trying to scare any women off the procedure because if you have an abnormal smear test come back you absolutely need to go and get it checked. But fucking hell I was not ready for the pain of having a biopsy done and the feeling of how vunrable I would be feeling. Very similar to a standard smear test except I had to put my legs up in some very sexy stirrups which done absolutely nothing for my already shattered confidence after quite some time rummaging around I did start to wonder what they’d found up there, then came the biopsy (Which I had no idea I needed) all I had to do was cough at the right moment. How hard can that be right? It turns out quite. The first cough went down like a lead balloon apparently I didn’t do it “Hard enough” like fucking hell love do you seriously want me to piss all over you? Because I have had a baby and believe me it can and will happen. But no I had to go again so with all my power COUGH COUGH. Fuck me!! Right at the time I coughed it felt like they had cut part of my uterus out I was not expecting that sting!! Thank fuck my second cough was deemed good enough and my ordeal was now over. Expect some weird discharge they said, you’ve had iodine up your fanny they said, fuck me my pants were yellow when I checked! (VOM) . I cried all the way home on the bus because I just wanted to get home and cuddle up on the bed but stupidly I said I’d work that night which was a huge mistake because mentally and physically I was just done for the day.

So now begins the possibly 6 week wait for the results which may end up being that I need to have cells lazered off. Which isn’t the outcome I’m hoping for.

Some 4 weeks later after writing the above peice of writing I got my letter back. AND IM ALL CLEAR. I can finally breathe a sigh of relief everything is okay and I just need to have another smear in a years time to make sure all is still good. This is the news I really needed to hear and my god I’m glad it’s okay.

So if anything was to come out of this blog post is that I hope some women read this who may be going through the same thing and hopefully I help them feel a little less alone and a little less frightened.

So until next year I say goodbye and hope for no new changes!



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