Category: pregnancy

Well today was a turn out for the books. What started as a routine consultant appointment turned out to be me coming away with a date to be induced which I really didn’t see coming!!

Usually pregannt women are under consultant care when theve got underlying health conditions, overweight or just having a few extra problems in pregnancy. For me it’s because my BMI is high and my blood pressure hasn’t always been what it’s supposed to be. So every few months I’ve had to go up to the JR in Oxford to be seen. It starts off in clinic seeing a nurse for the usual wee sample, blood pressure and weight check then you have to go back into the waiting room and wait to be seen by your consultant. Which is usually a 10 min chat about what’s been happening ect ect. Which is what I assumed today was about!

Oh I was so wrong. So I did my deed and pissed in my little pot, had all my other bits and pieces done then went into see the consultant who was sooooo lovely!! we talked about Labour and my concerns because for anybody who doesn’t know I didn’t have the easiest of times with Rex I was so long in Labour he ended up being forceps delivery and I lost over 2litres of blood! Yikes that still makes my hair stand on end thinking about it now. So naturally I’m absolutely petrified of that happening again and them not being able to stop the bleeding ect. So we had a good old chat about the what if’s and actually the consultant reassured me if it happens again there’s many things they can do to stop the bleeding, ranging from a pack, to a balloon they shove up you to put pressure on the bleeding spot to stop it, and even a small operation to sew the womb up which sounds horrific but to be honest I’d rather be alive. Worst case scenerio would be a hysterectomy but that’s extreamly rare apparently. They are also having blood on standby for me if I need it. So even though I’m still shitting myself at least I know what they can do this time.

So I thought the appointment was over at this point then she springs on me that they want to induce me between 40-41 weeks!! Shit so in a couple of weeks I’m deffo having this baby!! So she rings up the maternity unit to book me in for my induction and I almost fell off my chair when she said there’s a spot next Monday!! Which just happens to be my due date and only 5 days away. So we’ve got to be up the hospital for 6:30am on Monday the 26th to be induced!! Trying not to hyperventilate just writing this because shit just got real and it turns out I’m actually having a baby in 5 days!!

Secretly I’m really glad I’m being induced because the thought of being in labour at home or out and about scares the bejebbas out of me!! So if baby girl could hang on in there for a few more days that would be Marvellous.

As far as the induction goes I don’t know what they have planned. The first time around I had a gel put into me that’s supposed to start Labour off but it didn’t work so next I had a hormone drip which was absolutely brutal! But it did the trick and got me into Labour. So we will see what happens this time. Please think of me and send me all positive energy and vibes for Monday and probabley the next time I speak to you all I should have a baby❤️

Z

Xxx

Rightio. It’s officially 1 and abit weeks until I pop this baby out and I’ve been abit slack on the preparations so it’s time to get myself organised and ready!!

FINALLY I’ve packed my hospital bag. Dunno why but I’ve been putting it off and off but I eventually gave in and realised shit I actually have to do this. So….. what have I packed? Pretty much everything except the kitchen sink. We went shopping to primark this week so I could buy some shorts and strappy tops to pack. Even treated myself to a new pack of pants! So in they went. I’ve not bothered with socks cause let’s face it it’s June it’s hot and I’ve not been able to get regular shoes on for weeks now. So I’ve also go shampoo conditioner and shower gel toothpaste and a toothbrush. All the boring shit went in first to get it out the way. Not forgetting those sanitary pads because you bleed like a mother fucker after having a baby! In goes in a bar of chocolate and bag of haribo because hey chocolate just makes everything better! Not forgetting a water bottle medication and a book. PLEASE somebody remind me to pack my phone charger when I go into Labor! Probabley the thing I will be most pissed off if I end up forgetting!! Baby’s bag is just the obvious really. Clothes, Muslin cloths, nappies and milk ect ect not forgetting her first outfit that I’ve had picked out for AGES and her cute little bobble hat. Last thing to go in was a little bag of pressies for Rex. So that when he comes to visit his new sister she has some presents for him 💕

Another priority for me was getting the crib out and buying a new matress because that’s what’s recommended so tonight we found out the crib unwrapped the new matress and put the sheet on so baby bed is all ready and raring to go! all we need now is a tiny baby to fill it.

This may sound ridiculous but a big priority for me is keeping the house clean and tidy. Well as much as I can with a messy 3 year old lurking around every corner! Making sure the washing up is done every night because I won’t going into labour in the middle of the night and leaving a mess/washing up in the sink so weve been keeping on top of the tidying which is really nice now i actually have time to do it with not being at work.

Next on the list is car! For anyone who knows my hubby his car is a pit of rubbish. So tomorow he is cleaning that little bugger out till it’s spotless. Not a chance in hell I’m bringing a new baby home from hospital in a messy car!!

And last but not least one of the most important things for me is sort my body out! And by that I mean tidy up my lady bits and shave me legs which haven’t been done in what feels like eternity! Cause let’s face it giving birth is bad enough without the midwife having a face full of hairy snatch to contend with so I’m really doing them a favour. Fucking hell that’s a mission and a half isn’t it… trying to shave your fanny when you can’t see bugger all! Christ almighty climbing Mount Everest in flip flops would have been easier, it took me a lifetime but sheer determination and I got there in the end. I thought the legs would be the easy part how wrong could I be. You ever tried reaching your ankle with a 9 month old baby in the sodding way? I just about made it without slipping over in the shower I didn’t get away unscathed though multiple cuts from just trying to reach but again I got there in the end. Hopefully I don’t have to go over it a second time before baby comes!!

So that’s it… bags packed, cot ready all we need now is a baby. Which could come anytime in the next 3 weeks. Anyone got any predictions when she’s coming? Let me know in the comments.

Z

Xxx

You guessed it. The dreaded chicken pox had hit our house last week and hit it hard. Poor Rexy doesn’t know weather he’s coming or going.

It all started a couple of days ago I noticed a Red spot on his neck but didn’t really think anything of it as he’s quite an accident Prone child always bumping or bashing into something. So off he went to bed with no other thoughts about it. Next morning comes around I go to take his pjamas off and holy mother of god his whole back was covered in big blotchy red spots I was really taken aback at how quick they had come on!

So ofcorse that meant the rest of the week off pre-school and unfortunately cancel our trip to the fair. But he was okay in himself which I was really pleased about still running round like a little knobhead causing havoc. Then it suddenly dawned on me…SHIT chicken pox is really dangerous for pregnant women if you’ve never had it before! thankfully I’m like 90% sure I had it as a child so I called mum up to double check and she starts panicking not being able to remember so I got advised to call my GP to check my records but unfortunately it wasn’t on my records. So next I called my midwife who said not to panic and to come in for a blood test to check my immunity which should tell if I’ve had it before. So that’s exactly what I did. I popped along to the hospital and got my bloods done. Midwife doesn’t seem to concerned so fingers and toes crossed it’s all ok. Results pending….

Anyway back home to my spotty little fella and the spots are really coming out now and getting very aggressive, poor wee man he’s covered, legs, face, back, in his hair and even on his gentleman’s area and as the evening is progressing he’s getting very uncomfortable and itchy. Cool bath and dabbing with a sponge to try and help with the pain/itch bless him. Thankfully I picked up some camomile lotion today whilst I was out so we’ve slathered him up in that hoping he will beable to get some sleep. So off he went no problem only to wake up and hour later bleeding where he’d been scratching so much. He’s so fustrated and it’s making me very emotional seeing him in such a state. So we’ve let him up to watch the tv in hopes he will tire himself out enough to have a good sleep tonight and Tomorow we shall rince and repeat with the camomile lotion and hopefully get my blood results back and fingers crossed it will say I’ve had it as I really don’t know what happens if I haven’t! Update: he was up all sodding night crying in pain so none of us have really had much sleep and are all exhausted. It can only get better from here on out right?

It really is all go isn’t it. You get past one hurdle to be hit by another. But hey at least he’s got it now and not whilst there’s a newborn baby in the house. Pray for a speedy recovery for litte Rex.

Hopefully give you all an update soon

Update: my blood test came back saying I’m immune! So we’re all good.

Z

Xxx

I’ve not long got home from a miwife and perinatal mental health appoitment and I’m feeling so Incredibly humbled and lucky that I have the BEST midwife and medical professionals around me and I’d like to tell you a little about it.

When I fell pregant for a second time I was really praying I’d have the same midwife as I had before as she was so wonderful and treated me so well. So you can imagine my excitement when I found out I had the same midwife the second time around! her name is Becky and she is just incredible, she not only looks after my health during pregnancy but my mental health and she’s so caring and really goes out of her way to make me feel comfortable and happy. We always chat about day to day stuff it’s like seeing an old friend. She’s talked through my grief with me and done absolutely everything she can to make me feel ok I honestly couldn’t ask for better care and I am really going to miss her once I’m no longer pregnant.

Luckily for me my mental health was fine during my first pregnancy so I had no extra support as I really didn’t need it. This time around has been slightly different. For a couple of different reasons my mental health hasn’t been 100% this time around which makes me quite sad as I should be enjoying my pregnancy but sadly that hasn’t always been the case this time. And so my midwife referred me to the perinatal mental health team who specialise in helping pregnant women. I was really quite frightened at first as I wasn’t sure what to expect. Initially I had a video call with a lady which I wrote about in a previous blog. Which was kind of uncomfortable to say the least video calling someone you’ve never met to talk about really personal private things anyway this time around I would be meeting them face to face at the same time as my midwife which already made me feel more comfortable.

So today off I went to the appointment feeling really nervous and not quite sure what to expect there were 4 of us in the room, the midwife, perinatal mental health nurse me and a student midwife and we chatted and made a plan for the birth. Going through things that might trigger me to feel bad and things they can do to help me such as being put in a private quiet room by myself and not on a ward which I have to say is going to be a massive help. Talking through my anixetys becaue my last birth was so bad I’m terrified of the same thing happening again. Theve even talked about possibly having a planned induction so that I don’t have the anixety of going into labour at home but I’m not to sure how I feel about that. Aswel as all this once I’m in hospital they will make sure I’m having constant conversations about how I’m feeling with the midwives and doctors and monitoring my sleep because when I don’t sleep thats when I tend to get poorly so we got all that sorted plus some other bits and peices including a visit from a mental health doctor before I am discharged home just to check all is well. On top of that I also get support once I’ve left the hospital with baby. Which to be honest is what I’m most worried about. Having a 3-4 week old baby during the second anniversary of my brothers death is at this moment just unimaginable to me because last year I completely broke down the night before and was walking the streets balling my eyes out at 2am so I’m going to need a lot of extra support this time around, so they’ve already booked me in to see them right before the anniversary which already feels like a weight off my shoulders. And after my appointment today I am confident they are going to look after me.

So birth plan for my mental health is done and ticked off the list which up until the other day I didn’t even know such a thing existed!! But I’m really glad it does. Now for the actual birth plan? Nah not a chance. If I learnt anything the first time around it’s not to plan because you can plan as much as you want how you want to give birth but the matter of fact is it’s probably not going to go the way you planned.

All I can hope for is a smooth ride mentally and physically, the way it’s looking I’ve got all the right support in place to make that happen.

Z

Xxx

I think it’s about time I wrote a positive post. It all seems to be abit doom and gloom around here and I’ve realised how boring that makes me look so I thought I’d run through a few things that are really great about pregnancy. Because believe it or not it’s actually really great growing a little human.

One of the loveliest things I found was when you first see those 2 lines appear on the test and realise holy shit I’m actually pregnant that how cool it is to just keep it to yourself for the first 3 months. The only people we told were our parents. So I was just wondering around with a tiny little baby growing inside me and nobody had any idea and I quite enjoyed that little secret.

One of the best things is….. shopping!! Oh yes the amount of stuff I’ve bought this baby is never going to wear half of it I swear. The second we found out we were having a girl I was straight down the shops buying pretty pink things, little suits and bows and lots of pink flowery clothes, we really have gone mad, most evenings I spend my time scrolling through Amazon adding to my wishlish more beautiful clothes and bits and bobs we might need. The wardrobe is fit to burst!!

Most of my other posts about my body I’m usually talking about how much it sucks to be pregnant and sometimes it does BUT…. There’s actually some really good positives and I’d like to share them with you. My skin is the BEST it’s ever been. I swear to god it’s so soft and luxurious and everyone seems to be commenting on my tan! When I’ve hardly been in the sun! From what I’ve read on google you tan a lot quicker when your pregnant. Now For those who may or may not know I have very low self esteem I hate the way I look, I think about it 24/7 about how fat and ugly I am. BUT being pregnant I can honestly say gives me such a confidence boost, I like the way I look pregnant, and I love a good bump selfie! As anyone who follows me on Instagram can probably guess. I really do like myself when I’m pregnant and that’s something I never thought I’d say so that’s a real positive for me.

Following on from how good my body feels can I just point out I have minimal stretch marks!! Clearly the size of me I had some before getting up the duff but how on earth I got so lucky to avoid them on my massive pregnant belly I will never know but stretch marks put the fear of god into me and I’m soooo happy I’ve managed to avoid the worst of it. (Btw stretch marks are absolutely fine) I’m just happy I’ve avoided worse.

As far as weight gain goes I got weighed yesterday at the hospital and ive only put on 20lbs which actually isn’t to bad considering I lost a stone just from giving birth to Rex. So fingers crossed once I’ve birthed this baby most of it will bugger off and I won’t be left with to much weight to lose. Whilst I’m on the subject of weight gain can I just tell you how I’ve eaten what the hell I liked for the last 9 months and not given a shit about it! I mean it might come back to bite me on the bum but I’ve enjoyed stuffing my face with Easter eggs and biscuits and I’ve not felt guilty about it once.

My absolute favourite thing in the world to do…. SLEEP yes that’s right I’ve slept soooooo much this pregnancy and do I feel guilty about I? Do I heck! I’ve even let Rex have a few cheeky naps with me because I’ve been so desperate to sleep and by god I’ve enjoyed every single one of them. I shall miss my mid morning naps a lot once little lady is here.

Probabley the final thing I can think of and one of the biggest perks, can you guess it? NO PERIODS!! that’s right!! I don’t have the hassle of having to deal with that monthly little devil and it’s bloody glorious! Specially in hot weather we all know what a ball ache having your period in the summer is! And once again I’ve managed to avoid it. Hurrah!!

So you see there really is some positives to being pregnant, I promise you I don’t always talk about the bad things. I’ve got 2 weeks left and i intend to try and enjoy them as much as possible eating what the fuck I like sleeping and taking even more selfies!

Z

Xxx

Here we are at 35 weeks! How on earth has that happend sooooo quickly? I can’t believe I havent done a post about this before !!

But better late then never right? For a long time now my baby has been VERY active. It all started around 16-18 weeks ish (I think) it seems so long ago now, I really should have been on my game and written about it when it was happening but hey ho here we are.

Baby’s first movements are something of nothing really. You can be lead there thinking was that a baby or a fart? That’s really how little they move in the beginning. And so the weeks pass and gradually it’s like WTF is that!!

Tiny little “kicks” or whatever Is going on in there start happening, still very tiny but soon they turn into a full on game of football being played inside your stomach. The NHS guidance do say that there is no set pattern of movement but do keep and eye on what’s happening. Somewhere around the 20 week mark I suddenly stopped feeling baby move which was really odd as she’s usually front and center letting me know who’s boss. I tried jiggling my stomach around to get her to move but nothing. I ended up getting checked and all was fine thankfully.

Anyway moving on. Currently at 35 weeks and this baby loves to boot the absolute shit out of me on a regular basis. and I’m not talking the odd kick here and there I’m talking full on somersaults inside me which at times make me feel rather queezy, seeing your own stomach move about in such a way is very bizzare!! She usually likes to spring into action around bedtime when I’m lead down “trying” to relax, that’s when her acrobatics really take shape and I’m lead trying not to wince at being booted senseless.

The worst part about this little lady kicking the crap out of me is 9 times out of 10 right in my bladder making me need a piss every 20 seconds. which you can imagine is great fun even more so at bedtime when I need to roll my fat self out of bed a million times during the night.

So I’ve been told by the midwife she’s head down. (Poor girl) which means her legs are just waving around happily kicking me in the ribs which she rather enjoys doing. It’s amazing really to think that in 5 weeks she will hopefully If not late like her brother be here for real kicking her legs around. Because she don’t half like to move it move it!

Z

Xx

Jesus bollocking Christ I feel SO UNCOMFORTABLE and I need to tell you all about it before I explode with sheer umcomfortableness.

Something I’m experiencing for the first time… bum pain! What the actual fuck. Bum pain? Yes! My arse bloody aches so bad at times I wonder wether I’ve actually started early labour or sat on a bag of rocks. Why on earth is my bum hurting. Of all things that could get sore during this time I never thought my bottom would be suffering so!

Moving up, the bump!! Hard as a rock very sore tight and very uncomfortable. Fat and in the way, it’s just annoying and very very irritating, some days it’s even a chore just to get up from the sofa, other days (Like today) it just makes me want to rip my skin off because I’m so uncomfortable. I fail miserably every morning trying to put my own socks on and don’t even get my started about trying to pull my trousers up unaided. Rolling out of bed in the morning is a whole diffrent story.

Next is quite unsetteling. Who knew you could get fanny pain during this glorious time. Like wtf is happening with the v Jay Jay… I don’t think I need to say much more so will just leave it at that for now.

Boobies! Oh the glorious magnisifinant things put on earth to annoy the shit out of any pregnant women. Not only do they grow significantly, but my bloody nipples either hurt like fuck or itch so bad I have to wip my bra off as soon as I get in the front door! My bra only just contains the beasts these days. And don’t even get me started on the boob sweat during a mildly warm day.

Have I spoken about how bloody swollen everything gets?? My feet are like a yetis, swelling up so I can just about get my shoes on each morning. I darent take them off in fear i won’t get them back on again. My big fat sausage fingers are really not the most appealing feature on my body right now, all my rings have had to come off because I really didn’t fancy a trip down to the hospital to get them removed. And on the bad days I can barely just make a fist. But hey ho we solider on.

I bet your thinking I’m a right old whinge bag. But hey I’m fat I’m pregnant and I’m allowed to whinge every now and again. Specially rolling a round like an umpa lumpa and. about to pop.

So there you have it. That’s my whinge done for the day. Untill next time 👍

Z

Xxx

Oh my goodness I’m just about recovering from the most amazing afternoon surrounded by friends and family for my baby shower.

So way back when I first found out I was pregnant for a second time I’d already decided I didn’t want a baby shower and I wanted zero fuss from anyone because ofcorse that dreaded feeling of guilt and grief was following me around everywhere telling me I shouldnt be celebrating or feeling happy when my brother isn’t around to share this time with me.

So a few months later when one of my bestest friends asked me about a baby shower I was like ermmmm I guess we could do something, just small and no fuss would be nice. So a couple of my mates got to planning and I just left them to it.

So it got decided we’d have afternoon tea in my back garden which I was really happy about. Something simple but fun with a little class. Everyone chipped in with jobs such as making cakes, buying sandwiches, decorations and games and lending chairs. All I needed to do was make the scones and turn up! Excellent an easy day for me!

I had my dress picked out for a few weeks I don’t really do dresses but as it’s my baby shower I thought I should make the effort, I found a really lovely one in primark and happend to find a matching one for the baby aswel!! Which I was so excited about. And actually I have to say for someone who HATES their appearance and constantly worries about how they look, I looked back on the photos and I actaully think I looked good for once!!

It had been raining pretty much all week so ofcorse I was panicking about the weather as there really isn’t room in my house for 30 odd people but luckely we borrowed a gazebo and bought one of our own just incase. The week before trying to get the grass cut was an absolute bastard, I was having nightmares of people having to sit in the long grass because it was just so wet we couldn’t get it done. By some stroke of luck the friday before we managed to quickly get it done so that was one less worry for me. And as it turns out it was dry and very sunny all day on the day! Horray!! So the girls turned up in the morning and cracked on with decorating whilst mum French plaited my hair and made it all pretty with flowers. As you can see below we had the most amazing spread of food, lovely sandwiches pork pies scones cake and macaroons. and plenty of prosecco for those that could drink!

After food the Lovely Charlotte had so many games planned for us and oh my god it was so fun! We had little quizzes, sniff the chocolate in the nappy (which went down a storm as you can imagine) oh it was great fun we must have been doing it for well over an hour and everyone said what a smashing time they had. So huge thanks to Charlotte for being such an amazing host and doing all the games it really made the day so much fun. After we also did guess the size of my bump. And a lovely friend of mine who is a very talented artist made a picture and everyone who came put their finger print on it so I’m going to get that framed and put up.

We had so many lovely gifts. To many to mention but I think one of my favourites was the nappy cake a friend made me! It’s bloody awesome and I don’t want to take it apart. Thankyou to every single one of you who gave gifts it’s really so overwhelming.

So that’s that. We all had a blinking good afternoon eating cake and being silly. I’d like to thank all my lovely family and friends for making me feel so loved. I’d especially like to thank Harriet, Charlotte and Charley for making it so special and giving me a really awesome afternoon that I’m so glad I changed my mind and we did! Below are just a few photos of the day. 🌸

Z

Xxx

Pregnancy really is a gift and one of the most amazing times in your life. But I’m not one to sugar coat things and let me be honest things aren’t going so swell for me at the moment.

Let’s start as we mean to go on. Life fucking sucks today, and yesterday for that matter. I’m swelling up like a balloon. It all started with my little digits. My fingers turned into fat sausages almost overnight. All my rings have had to come off whilst I could actually still get them off. They are sore uncomfortable swollen and hot.

Moving on… if fat fingers wernt annoying enough I’ve now been blessed with swollen feet. Hot swollen sore feet and wearing crocs at work really isn’t helping the situation, moving down the body there’s something very bizzare going on with my legs. I can’t quite decide if they are swollen or just fat but whatever they are it’s irritating as shit.

So as you can imagine life is just “swell” in every sence of the word. But we power through with a smile and wait for the next body part to swell up. tiredness has really truley kicked in. 8 months in and I could literally sleep all day and night no problem, the usual aches and pains of the bump back and bum has reared up. Christ even my fanny is hurting now, god only knows what that’s all about! It feels like I’m carrying a bowling ball around.

On top of being “swell” things have just been abit mentally challenging quite recently with one thing or another which makes things abit poo. Appointment with the perinatal mental health team pending, I hope they are gental with me! Sleep has been intresting. I must wake up 10 times a night for a piss maternity leave is soon going to come round fast until then I’m just trying to grab as much sleep and rest as humanly possible before baby arrives and makes me even more knackered.

Z

Xx