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I’ve been staring at a blank screen for a while wondering how to write this post, its hard putting your life on show knowing everyone will be reading this and the worries about what people will think. But sod it my new years resolution was to be more honest and not let people push me around so here goes.

I wont go into detail about myself but like I’ve said in past posts my mental health has been reasonably good recently I’ve been loving life except for the few pregnancy related mishaps which I’ve dealt with and got over. Long before I got pregnant and I’m talking maybe 6 or 7 years I’ve had sleep problems sometimes mild where I just cant get to sleep at night to sever insomnia where one weekend last January I didn’t sleep for 72 hours! And no that’s not an exaggeration just ask poor Mr M who stayed up with me looking after me and trying to help me settle me, cuddling me and being supportive. (He deserves a medal for that weekend) Anyway… lack of sleep for me is like the biggest trigger you can imagine.

I’ve been on strong ish sleeping tablets for a few years now prescribed by the doctor and honestly they work wonders! ( I don’t take them during pregnancy for obvious reasons) The only issue with the tablets is they can become addictive so I only used to get prescribed them a few weeks at a time. The other tablets I’m on for my mood are designed to help me sleep which give me that little extra boost when I’m struggling but for some reason when I fell pregnant my sleep problems seemed to straighten themselves out and I slept like a log for the first few months which was great! Just lately as I’m getting bigger and the urge to pee is like every 5 minuets my sleeping habits have started to get bad again and because of this I’m very tired in the day and generally run down but getting up and going to work and having a laugh with my work mates really lifts my spirits I love those guys and I’m going to be so emotional when I hang up my apron for 7 months maternity leave soon.


Sunday night just passed I had probably the worst nights sleep I’ve had in months and Monday morning I woke up in tears exhausted and hating the world. I felt so low, why is this happening to me? I start getting thoughts that … ( please bear in mind I know these are not rational thoughts now I am feeling better)  I start thinking I’m going to die and everyone I love is going to die and what’s the point in having a baby if I might die and leave him motherless? Its ridiculous to think these things could even be true but when you find yourself so mentally exhausted things like this actually feel like reality. I’m quite good at recognising when I’m getting poorly so I try and make sure I do something about it
.

I forced myself out of bed and got on the bus to oxford to have a look round the shops but still I felt so numb and as I’m sat on the bus the baby starts kicking and at that moment I just thought god what kind of mother am I going to be if I get myself in this state when he’s born?
So I get to oxford make a dash for the new shopping centre as per usual I’m dying for a wee. I sat on the toilet and burst into tears and I have no idea why I was crying but I knew I had to sort myself out so I did and had a brief look round the shops and bought a few new things for baby, had a hot chocolate in costa.Trying to think of ideas how to make myself feel better I had an idea of going to the book shop to
see if I  could find a book to read to keep my mind off things. So once back in Witney I had a quick look around the book shop and found 2 books I liked the look of and as soon as I got home I got stuck into one of them. About an hour later I couldn’t put the book down and it had made me forget how I was feeling. HURRAH!

Sometimes in life things get very overwhelming we don’t know quite how to react to certain things happening. Unfortunally for me today is one of those days. Today is hard and to be honest all I want is a cuddle from my mum. That’s right I’m a 30 year old grown women soon to be a mum herself who just wants a cuddle from her mum. Today started out okay I had a lovely lay in then got up and had my usual bowl of coco pops and a cuppa tea put some washing on and did some housework.

Then my bump started to really ache for those non pregnant women and men out there who’s reading this imagine your insides slowly stretching to make room for a heavy bowling ball and when laying down said bowling ball moves to one side making it so uncomfortable to sleep bend down and sometimes even walk or stand. At times it can be quite unpleasant and really quite uncomfortable especially when baby decides to move around at the same time. Aswell as the tummy ache I woke up with a really sore arm. No I hadn’t slept in an awkward position before you ask …i had my whooping cough jab yesterday and dear lord did that hurt when the nurse jabbed me! this morning I’ve woken up with a red lump where the unfortunate incident happend. I’m so tired of being poked and prodded, since getting pregnant I’ve had 6 blood tests, 2 jabs and countless urine tests. It’s actully exhausting being treated like a lab rat and for someone who has a fear of needles I feel like I’ve coped pretty well.

So I managed to get some housework done which felt good but I just didn’t feel myself today emotions were running high I find myself crying over stupid things like the hover not turning on or dropping something on the floor, the tiredness has set in and it’s really difficult previously being an independent person doing everything I need to do by myself to then suddenly need help putting my socks on. Being the kind of person I am I would rather struggle then ask for help, It almost feels slightly demoralising and embarrassing to ask for help doing simple day to day things and it’s only going to get worse ..

So since Mr M got home from work I have been very clingy and cuddly and not wanting to be left alone because I can feel my mood dipping. Everything seems to be moving so fast and there’s still so much left to do before the little man arrives in 11 weeks. So to break from the normal witty funny posts ive been writing recently today I openly admit I’m struggling. pregnancy is bloody hard sometimes and women don’t get nearly  enough credit for going through this, this isn’t me crying out for attention or expecting people to say oh poor you 😦 im just saying it how it is the reality of what pregnancy really is. It’s Tiring painfull and emotional and relentless. Having said all this I know I am going through this for a reason and knowing its all temporary is helping me through the tough days. 11 weeks and counting until I meet my perfect little man.

At the end of the day you are never to old to want your mum. And right now I’m a mum who just wants a cuddle from her mum and I’m learning its not shameful asking for help.



Z

xxx

I’ve been struggling to think of what to write for my next blog post for a while now, then today something happened that I thought could be quite funny and embarrassing so why not write about it? so here goes…

If you’d have told me a year ago I would be comparing running a half marathon to shaving my legs at 7 months pregnant I would have laughed in your face… I’m not laughing now!
As I hadn’t been swimming in a few weeks and am paying for a membership I thought I better get some use out of it so I went about my day today with swimming planned for the evening.

You are cordially invited to a party
At- Mums tum
Time- As soon as Mum try’s to sleep
RSVP- Bump

                                                        



                                                  
Sometimes I wonder what is actually going on inside that tummy of mine, some nights it feels like baby is having an illegal rave with all his mates in there! Other nights it feels like he’s in training for the London marathon               ( That’s my boy!!)


Whatever he’s up to in there he’s having a dam good time and I don’t blame him wouldn’t you?… warm and snug inside mums tum growing slowly into a little lad ready to see the world very soon… 12 weeks and counting! Round about now I’m beginning to see my stomach actually move around almost like he’s having a little boogie, if I sit my phone or a coke can on my tummy when I’m laying down it moves. As soon as I try to get a video of the momentous occasion thou the little bugger decides NOPE I am having none of this and he stops. I think I’ve got a stubborn one on my hands here!

Poor old dad has yet to feel his little one jiggle around, he sits for ages with his hands on my tum waiting for the party to start but obviously dad doesn’t have an invitation to the party! Even after laying next to bump chatting away to his son he still gets nothing. I think dad needs to remember this in 18 years time when his son wants a lift to some party!

The party started up again the other day during a routine midwife appointment whilst the midwife put the Doppler on my tummy to hear baby’s heartbeat he decided he didn’t like this and the midwife was definitely an uninvited guest to his party because he did 2 almighty kicks at the midwife telling her to go away and leave me alone. amazingly I managed to finally get this on video! yay

I have found some tricks to get kicks … Hot bath… the second I get in the bath off he goes doing his thing. Another great way to get some moves is drink an ice cold drink… he really shows how he can move when I drink and ice cold drink I can imagine him in there breaking out into the YMCA like an absolute lad! To be honest thou most of the time I don’t have to encourage him to move because 99% of the time now he knows when mum is ready to go to sleep. That’s his que to get the lads round and crank up the party.

I’ve found a few facts online about baby movements in the womb so id I thought id share them …

-Did you know at 9 weeks pregnant a baby can hiccup. who knew! (I’m not surprised to be honest after all that partying he’s doing!)

– At 12 weeks pregnant the baby can yawn and stretch all that growing must be a tiring business!

-At 15 weeks they can suck their thumbs of apparently their preferred hand so if you are lucky to see this in the scan you can determine weather they are right or left handed.

– Amazingly a baby sleeps for up to 40 minuets every hour whilst inside the womb! Trust me it doesn’t feel like it!


Feeling baby move is honestly one of the most weird strange and amazing things all rolled into one realising there’s actually a little person inside me is so weird and honestly I’m a little jealous of all the fun he’s having. So whatever my baby is up to inside my tum I’m sure he is having a great time and he’s entitled to after all its his house! not for long thou…



see you soon little party animal, try to keep the noise down when mum wants to sleep.


Z


xxx

The hard part is done right? all those months of relentless sex and timing ovulation hoping the husbands little swimmer makes it up the V channel and latches on to an egg to make a baby. We’ve all been there unless you are lucky enough to get pregnant on the first try!

so once again we find ourselves peeing on a little stick and finding out the long awaited news WE ARE PREGNANT! the jobs done now right? we just lay back and let our bodies do the baby growing. As much as this is true we also have to learn basically how to grow a baby. What could possibly go wrong?

Us women are pretty resilient and the fact that we can actually grow human life inside of us is something I thought nothing of until I fell pregnant and suddenly it dawned on me SHIT this is happening… I am growing a baby!!

Here is my experience of how to grow a baby and do it well…

The morning I found out I was pregnant was total shock and elation. off to work I went having to keep this a secret from everyone (apart from a few close twitter friends) The very first thing I remember doing is cooking breakfast for a customer as I bent down to grab a plate I thought to myself shit can I bend down ? will I harm the teiny tiny baby in my tummy. In actual fact later on I found out from the hospital and I quote ” it would take getting hit by a lorry to damage the baby as its so far deep inside my womb”   so as long as you are careful don’t worry too much about harming the little bean they are very well protected in there.

Its so easy to forget to look after yourself once you become a mother to be BUT… self care is one of the most important things whilst coping with growing a baby. Feel tired? take a nap. Feeling emotional? get the tissues out and have a good cry. Feeling hungry? go and buy that double chocolate fudge cake you’ve been eyeing up for weeks grab a fork and devour the lot without feeling guilty. For weeks I ignored my body and the signs it was sending me I tried not to cry when I felt upset. I grabbed an apple when what I really wanted was some good old chocolate cake. I denied myself the right to not feel ok and until I gave in and  had a good cry and stuck my face in a chocolate cake ( not at the same time I may add ) I began to feel like a woman coping with growing a baby and I felt human for letting myself feel my feelings. Allow yourself some luxuries every now and again because after all you wont be pregnant forever and if you are seen in costa crying into a chocolate cake you will probabley be asked to leave. Us pregnant women can get away with an awful lot!

Take note of what doctors and midwives tell you, listen to their advice nod and smile then do things your own way because they may be experts in telling you what to do but at the end of the day you know your own body if you decide to buy formula don’t let anyone bully you into breast feeding, if you want to do things your own way then be your own person do what you feel is right for YOUR baby. Obsivously I don’t endorse smoking or drinking whilst growing your tiny human if you need help stopping there is a number of websites to help and also speak to your doctor before its to late.


The most important part about growing a baby is love… no matter what kind of pregnancy you are having weather you are sailing through not gaining a pound and looking like a Hollywood superstar or weather you are struggling to get washed and dressed every morning and go to work looking like forrest Gump. As long as you love your baby  and love yourself that’s all that matters… everything else you deal with will be the making of what kind of mum you will become.

Whatever pregnancy throws at you unconditional love is the key to growing a baby and doing it well


Z


xxx

When I started this blog I promised myself I would be 100% honest otherwise what’s the point? well this post is about to get very honest and reveal the truth and potentially funny side of pregnancy others don’t get to see…

So I’ve made it to 26 weeks pregnant! woohoo!! 2 weeks away from being 7 months pregnant, time is just flying it only seems yesterday I was sat in my bathroom holding that test watching the second line appear! So I thought id do a little update on my pregnancy! I would say I’ve had a pretty easy pregnancy during the first 12 weeks I did have pretty bad nausea in the evenings I found that eating grapes made the sickness feeling go away so for weeks I just scoffed punnets and punnets of grapes! Ice cold drinks also seemed to help, I’m a big diet coke drinker anyway but I couldn’t stop drinking ice cold diet coke.

One thing a lot of pregnant women struggle to do is maintain good mental health especially with all those hormones flying around! So I thought I would put together a little post about how I manage my mental health and some bits of advice and tips for all mums to be

statistics show 1 in 4 people have some kind of mental illness and during pregnancy and after the birth you are more likely to develop depression and post natal deprerssion  I wasn’t managing my mental health to well before getting pregnant the added pressure of not getting pregnant month on month was really putting a strain on not just me but poor Mr M having to deal with my regular breakdowns and tears month after month.

Firstly we all know the inevitable is coming… we are going to get fat!! it took me up until about 12 weeks until I started noticing the weight gain. They say during pregnancy you should gain about 2 stone in weight putting on roughly 1.5lbs a week. Now I’m not going to sugar coat the fact that I was a biggish size before I got pregnant I was a size 14/16 (14 on a good day) having said that I was a very fit size 16 running on average 10 miles a week and having recently completed a half marathon.

I woke up this morning after a really rubbish nights sleep suddenly thinking oh crap I didn’t feel the baby move yesterday then I realised I hadn’t felt him move the day before either. I didn’t really know what to do at 24 weeks I’m still relatively early to be feeling a lot of movement. I got dressed and went to work but it was playing at the back of my mind all day I even tried jiggling my tummy to try and get him to move but nothing.