The Z word

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  • The Stretch and Sweep

    I’ve been on maternity leave just over a week now it didn’t start off to great with me being bored and feeling a bit rubbish about myself, but as the week has progressed I’ve started to enjoy being off relaxing and catching up on all my TV shows. I’m particularly enjoying the lay ins most days I don’t get out of bed till 11am!

    I’m now officially past my due date and currently a day late I think my baby is being lazy like his mum and not wanting to move! Every day things such as getting out of bed in the morning and walking up the stairs have become really difficult. Try getting out of a kingsize bed when you cant roll over on your tummy to get out, its a proper mission! Baby is moving around nicely so much so it actually takes my breath away sometimes when I suddenly have a foot sticking out.

    So lets get down to the nitty gritty… I had a midwife appointment today at my local hospital, I thought id be brave and get the bus much to my mums disgust (lol) like I keep telling everyone I’m pregnant not disabled! if my waters break on the bus then id deal with that. I can confirm this wasn’t the case and I made it back home in one piece. I had a feeling I knew what was coming at this appointment so I thought id treat myself to some toast with marmite and a mango smoothie from costa before the dreaded appointment!

    I am obsessed with mango 🥭

    Witney hospital is really small and as soon as I walked in  and sat in the minor injury’s waiting room I felt straight away I was going to have a panic attack as it was so busy and WHY OH WHY do they have to make hospitals so hot? I felt so claustrophobic and so hot and muggy, to keep my mind of it I started looking around at the other people in the waiting room trying to guess why they were there, I’m pretty sure there was a man next to me with a broken leg! poor bugger as the waiting time up on the wall was 3 hours! Anyway not long after the midwife came and got me and took me into yet another boiling hot room! god knows how these doctors and nurses work in such yucky muggy heat they need a medal just for that!

    So we did the usual blood pressure and wee sample which were all ok. Then the dreaded words came… the midwife says I can perform an internal procedure to examine you and try and move things along, I kind of knew I would be offered this procedure called “the stretch and sweep” sounds delightful doesn’t it! Ive heard so many stories about this most people seem to gasp and make a funny face when its mentioned, ive heard rumours of a whole hand being shoved up you and swishing everything around… but at the same time friends have told me its nothing more than a smear test it doesn’t hurt and is just uncomfortable. So as the words are coming out of the midwifes mouth it almost went into slow motion because I knew I had to make a decision about what I wanted to do!!

    I just thought to myself you need to man the fuck up Zoe your going to have to get your fanny out at some point so just get it over with, anyway who doesn’t love a bit of fisting on a Monday morning? (lol) I’m really pleased to report that the horror stories about the stretch and sweep are totally untrue! the midwife couldn’t have been more supportive and told me at every point what was happening, she probably only inserted 3 fingers at the most and i can say it was no worse than a smear test! over in less than A minute I laughed and told her the stories id heard of a whole hand being shoved up there and how relieved I am! So as a pregnant lady if you are offered this procedure please don’t be scared or put off! The results she found were very good I’m actually 2cm dilated and she could feel babys head which are all good signs that I’m on my way!

    Since getting home I feel really very uncomfortable and have a lot of pressure down below and pressing down into my bum so I’m hoping the Monday morning fisting has done its job it currently feels like I’ve had a welly boot shoved up my lady bits As well as this I’ve had a tiny bit of bleeding which is normal as everything has been disturbed, so I’m currently laying on the sofa under my duvet feeling a bit sorry for myself and feeling emotional again about the thought of what’s going to happen to me soon. I’m looking forward to Mr M getting home so we can have cuddles and hot chocolate later to make me feel better.

    The stretch and sweep may sound like some back ally procedure done with a broom handle but trust me ladies its nothing to fear and I would totally recommend it.

    Z

    xxxx

  • Baby Wipe Armageddon

    Is there such a thing as to many baby wipes? any mum will say the same… absolutely not! now I know I’m not a mum yet officially 1 day late now ! but I have been very cleverly stocking up on baby wipes nappies and those glamorous banana boat maternity pads I told you about in a previous post. I believe I may have wiped out most of my local shops buying up all their baby wipes. Now I cant do any reviews on them yet as I haven’t had chance to use them except for one cheeky packet I opened to clean the bathroom. I can confirm they are very handy for cleaning the sink and toilet!



    I’m not normally the organised type but since I found out I had a baby on board I decided I better start being organised and stocking up on things I need a lot of, every time I go shopping I chuck a couple of packets of wipes in my trolley, I counted 55 packets of wipes the other day and I’ve been and bought more since so we are doing pretty well, that might sound a bit excessive but just think how many you go through especially with a little new born!


    So where do I buy them? I’ve done a bit of shopping around to find the best deals and I think I’ve found possibly the best… Aldi! now I got recommended Aldi baby wipes by quite a few people and they are actually the cheapest around, the standard pack of wipes starts at 59p per pack of wipes what a bargain! or you can buy a box of 6 packs of wipes for £2.89 you cant go wrong really can you? just recently they have bought out a mega box of 12 packs of wipes for £5.99

    Aswell as Aldi I make regular trips to my local poundstretcher where you can pick up packs of huggies wipes for only 59p this is also the best shop to buy the huge maternity pads that’s needed after giving birth. You can pick up a pack of 10 pads for only £1 (shown in the picture ) I fill a basket every time I go as I’ve heard you need plenty ! Poundstretcher is also really good for picking up all the little baby Essentials such as bath products cotton buds ect. I can’t really give you any prices or tips on what to buy because we’ve been bought so many bath products by people we haven’t actually needed to buy anything yet which is really handy!

    Let’s move onto nappies… once again I have been recommended good old Aldi to buy nappies so ofcorse I’d be stupid to not give them a try. You can pick up a small packet of 22 nappies newborn size for 89p and a packet of 44 nappies for £1.49 that’s 3.3p per nappy! As long as they do their job correctly you cannot argue with the price of that !! We’ve also been given some free samples of pampers and the own brand from Lidl’s to try. Once baby M is here and I’m ready I will be doing honest reviews of all the products we have to try and make things easier for any mums to be who are not sure what to buy. For now I shall just sit and wait and keep stocking up!

    Z

    Xxx

  • Cake for breakfast!

     

    That’s right if you haven’t had chance to read my last blog post or manage to avoid everything I post on social media you won’t know that I’ve officially finished work and am on maternity leave! Now I was feeling a bit down whilst writing my last post since then I’ve spent the weekend trying to pick myself back up and get back on track.

    Day 1 of maternity- all fucks have totally gone out the window now, would I even be enjoying maternity if I didn’t wake up and have some French fancies for breakfast? I don’t know about you but I only really like the chocolate ones so of course I scoffed 3 of these with my morning cuppa because why the hell not? It beats a boring old bowl of cornflakes any day!

    Its all about keeping busy, I’ve literary got everyone whining at me that I need to rest but I just cant!  Sitting around doing nothing is the worst possible thing I can do for many reasons, so I’ve been making plans every day and this seems to be keeping my mind busy, I’m not exactly out running marathons or anything! I’ve met friends for lunch I’ve been down to work to see them all, as well as doing some painting! I bought this huge painting by numbers canvas its absolutely huge and I’ve spent hours painting it its really been a life saver!

    Today I decided to make a lemon meringue pie as its one of my favourite desserts but something I’ve never actually made! I’ve just finished my first slice and it was absolutely sexual!

    Anyway back to the pregnancy stuff, 4 days until due date and absolutely no sign of little man arriving anytime soon, ive always said I think he will be late. I had a check up with my midwife yesterday and she said his head is down and ready, the plan is I have a midwife appointment at the hospital next week then if he still hasn’t arrived by the end of next week I will have an appointment to be induced the following week, which I really don’t want to happen I want to experience going into labour naturally but hey ho theres not much I can do about it. For now I’m trying to enjoy being off work and pottering about doing different things whilst at the same time praying my waters don’t break whilst out in public or on my nice new bed !!

    Z

    xxx

  • Who am I?

    So I’m at that stage of my pregnancy where i  could go into labour at any point. I’m offically 39 weeks, one week away from my due date. I finshed work yesterday for maternity leave and I miss all my work friends already. The question I’m constantly asked at the moment is “you must be so excited?”

    I smile and nod whenever I’m asked this question but the truth is I’ve never felt so lonely in my life. For those of you about to judge me for what I’m about to write I suggest you click off and don’t read ahead because I’m not going to be sorry for expressing how I feel even if it makes me look like a bad mum.

    This last week I have really been struggling to get used to this new life I’m about to embark on and ive had several meltdowns this week from being anxious about going into hospital to wondering who I am as a person. Let me start with the latter…  its a well known fact when I’m over tired or stressed I get unwell and upset, finishing work is a huge deal for me and let me tell you why… I have worked since I was 15 I have never been out of work I live by routine and getting up to go to work everyday gives me purpose. Not saying that being a mum wont give me purpose ofcorse it will, what I’m talking about is this first few weeks waiting for him to arrive, I have no routine nothing to do and no purpose for a few weeks. I am so frightened of everything and starting to find it difficult to hide it from people. sometimes I wonder who am I? I used to be a runner, I used to have a job( I still do) but my life has changed and I miss who I used to be, I miss my friends, I miss the banter we all have at work and I miss the rush I used to get after a good run, I’m struggling to drag myself out of bed most mornings knowing I have nowhere to be or no job to go to. Making plans in advance is key to keeping me going.

     One major meltdown I had a few nights ago really made me realise I need to talk about how I feel before it consumes me. Every now and again for absolutely no reason a sudden rush of fear comes over me and I think to myself I just cant do this! This happened the other night in bed and I just started sobbing for no reason then it just came into my head that Mr M and the baby would be better off without me and that they don’t need such a terrible person like me in their life. I do realise how irrational these thoughts are now even though they are still coming and going, having Mr M to talk to about it and him reassuring me really helps.

    So with all that coming and going my other worry is about going into hospital… ive been pretty relaxed about the whole giving birth in hospital thing but now its  getting closer and could happen at any moment all of a sudden ive developed a fear of going into hospital. The thought of being trapped in a room in pain surrounded by strange people, machiens wires and needles is really starting to frighten me and again this is making me have little panic attacks and meltdowns late at night when I have nothing better to think about, the fear of the unknown is eating me up and really stressing me out, not knowing when I’m going to go into labour is making me really anxious and scared. The key is talking about it as soon as I have a chat with Mr M about everything suddenly I don’t feel so alone and I know he will be there to hold my hand ( even though I think hes secretly shitting himself to)  

    I woke up this morning wondering who I am… I am just like every other mother worrying about the change and new life with a little one. I will start running again one day and I will be going back to work in a few months, and I will keep talking to Mr M about how I feel so my worries don’t consume me, but most importantly I will be a good mum to my little boy if it kills me!!

    Z

    xxx

  • Fat Feet

    I’m sitting here with a cuppa tea devouring a punnet of grapes trying to think what I can write my next blog post about?! I don’t have anything in particular to write about this week except for what’s been happening in the world of Zoe being pregnant. Let me start with what the title suggests… Fat feet.. that’s right my feet are grossly getting fatter and fatter and red! I’m walking around like the jolly green giant has stepped in a bucket of beetroot! It doesn’t help that fact that I wear crocks at work and let me tell you my feet don’t half sweat in them buggers especially this time of year!



    But…… I am very happy to announce tomorrow (technically) is my last day before I leave for 7ish months maternity! YAY! I say yay but in reality I’m not actually ready to leave work, I’ve worked all my life and the thought of not working terrifies me! I’m the kind of person who gets bored just on one day off so if I’m sat around waiting for this baby to pop out of my vagina for 4 weeks I’m going to go stir crazy! So the plan is I’m going to do a few extra days next week just to keep me busy. And if I go into labour at work then the work colleagues will just have to think fast and get the towels ready!  


    So me being me and worried about the boredom I’ve started a list of things I can do whilst I wait for the little dude to make his appearance, so far I’ve got… Jigsaw puzzles. Now I cant remember the last time I actually did a jigsaw I feel like you either need to be 5 or retirement age to do a jigsaw, but I’m willing to give anything a go to keep me busy. Searching on amazon for things to do and I came across paint by number ( for adults) on a canvas. I love doing arty things! I’ve picked a really pretty picture that looks like its going to take a long time to do. Now I’m no Neil Buchanan from Art Attack but I’m gonna give it a bloody good go. My very lovely mother in law has also bought me a big puzzle book I love doing a good Sudoku!


    No dramas this week the pregnancy gods have been kind to me, apart from one very long drawn out trip up to oxford hospital to see my consultant, as always we had to leave over an hour early which meant sitting around for ages whilst dying for a wee as I wasn’t allowed to go until I got in so they could test it. Dont even get me started on the “specimen toilets” in the hospital, no word of a lie there’s a little hatch in the toilets where a woman just sits waiting for ladies to come in and take a piss so they can test it, Fancy having that job! So anyway I did that, had my blood pressure taken and my weight ( don’t ask!!!) then saw the consultant for literary 2 min who asked how I am feeling and that was it! all the way to oxford for that! you can imagine how thrilled I was at wasting half a day just for that.


    So as it stands its now just a waiting game, the housework is all up to date the washing is all done and baby’s cot is all set up and ready, there’s just 1 job left on my list which is rather important, the dreaded shaving legs and fanny *eye rolls* I really don’t know how I’m going to attack this problem but I’m sure I will let you all know how I get on. For the next few days I’m just going to do my last few days at work chill out and rest my fat feet. See you all soon!



    Z



    xxx

  • Baby showers and Bump paintings!

    Its that time of my pregnancy to start getting ready for the inevitable… but first there’s one important thing that needs to be done. P-A-R-T-Y! I’m not talking going out on the town getting smashed and throwing up in a kebab shop at 3am. I’m talking about friends games, lots of baby talk and food!

    So I’m very lucky to have lots of special friends and family in my life who all put a lot of effort into throwing me a really nice baby shower and I cant thank them all enough ( you know who you are) So once we had a guest list I was officially left out of the planning which was strange for me a I like to have a hand in everything! As the venue was my place of work I was in charge of the food. what I do best! you cant go wrong with a classic buffet of sausage rolls quiche and scotch eggs can you?
    Very kindly my friend and the head chef made me an amazing baby shower cake which I loved and it tasted great! And I also had some delisious cupcakes made by a special friend.
    So id heard about bump painting before and thought it was slightly strange but now I’m pregnant I want to experience everything so I managed to find this lady on Facebook who paints pregnant ladies bumps! so I thought why the hell not? So a few hours before the shower she came along to my house and painted me up. For anyone who knows me i have a slight obsession with micky mouse! I have so many baby grows, clothes ,and toys for my baby all in micky mouse! so you guessed it… i just had to have micky mouse painted on my bump! The woman was so experienced she painted it all freehand and even added some glitter just for that extra little touch. and i absolutely loved it! you can see the photo at the end of this blog post.



    After being branded on my belly with micky mouse i got ready and headed down to the party with all my friends and family waiting to see that the room had been very cleverly decorated with blue micky mouse decorations! I absolutely loved it! we chatted and done a quiz then attacked the buffet and just generally talked babies and labour and had lots of photos taken. i had a great time catching up with some old friends.

    I didn’t actually realise until I got home how many presents we had been given for the baby! my living room currently looks like Toys R Us! A see of gift bags and presents covered my floor we had everything from clothes to bath products to nappies and even a Pandora charm! Totally spoilt and so grateful to each and every person who came and gave us gifts!
    a Special thank you goes out to my Mum, Mel, Harriet, Haley, Charlotte and Rhys for all the time effort and money put into the afternoon.

    After sorting through all the pressies I finally got round to putting everything away in its own place and putting all baby’s new clothes away in drawers leaving his cot free and ready for his long awaited arrival! everything feels so real now!

    3 weeks and counting…

    Z

    xxx

  • Paper Pants not included!

    so… The time has come, shits about to get real and I have to pack my hospital bag! it only seems like yesterday I was peeing on a little stick, and now I’m only 3 weeks away from due date! I’ve been putting off even thinking about the birth, time in hospital and packing my bag. I need to man up and accept this is happening… the baby is coming and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.


    So, what do I actually need to pack in my hospital bag? After extensive research and by research I mean having a quick gander online I have discovered Instead of packing for a couple of nights stay in hospital I am actually packing for a weeks holiday in Tenerife.. ( I WISH! ) Who knew you had to basically hire a lorry to transport all your stuff to the hospital?


    After compiling a list of what I thought I needed I headed off to the shops in search of the bits and pieces I needed to pack. Most of the stuff I’ve already got at home such as nighties ( very sexy) pyjamas and t shirts etc. All the obvious stuff. So strolling round asda with my trolley as I’m to lazy to carry a basket! Anyway there’s a whole aisle dedicated to babies and all the gumph you need. Now I got recommended by someone that I would need some big maternity pads as apparently you bleed like Niagara falls after the birth and judging by the huge maternity pads I bought they arnt lying! You could sail across the Atlantic on these humongous pads that apparently will fit into my knickers I will let you know how that goes…
    so I threw  a couple packs of them in my trolley. Conveniently On the same shelf I spotted some maternity pants that I thought looked pretty handy… until I picked up the box for a look and realised they are paper pants yes that’s right PAPER PANTS!! now I know labouring a child isn’t the most glorifying thing in the world but I am not going to be subjected to covering my woman’s bits in paper bloody pants!! ( excuse the pun) That’s not me being a snob far from it…  I am taking a trip to Primark later in the week to get a pack of new pants.


    Supposedly I will need breast pads once your body starts producing milk you start to leak. urgh so many things to think about! I have looked everywhere and can I find any breast pads? can I buggery… so I’ve bought a big pack of cotton wool pads hoping they will do the job, what can go wrong? Apart from all the clothes and pads for different body parts I’ve been recommended other things to take these include- books, magazines, sweets, iPad, water, phone charger and a hand held fan. Then there’s the things you might miss out like toothpaste tooth brush etc. I’ve been told chewing gum is a good idea!

    Now of Corse your partner/birthing partner in this case my baby daddy Mr M will be joining me on the wonderful birthing experience, don’t forget they could be at the hospital for hours so they are going to need some supplies to! We have a little bag packed for the daddy to be and of Corse this includes the essentials such as chocolate biscuits and bottles of coke, that should keep him going… we have thrown in a spare pair of clean clothes just for good measure.


     thanks to everyone who has recommended me what to pack here is a list of what I’ve packed for myself…

    Very sexy old lady nighties x2
    shorts x3
    t shirts x3
    new pants x6
    flip flops
    hand held fan
    cotton wool pads
    maternity pads
    chewing gum
    Vaseline
    water
    sweets
    iPad
    books
    phone charger
    medication
    toothpaste
    toothbrush
    toiletries



    And for the baby I have packed…

    baby grows x4
    baby hats x2
    scratch mits x4
    nappies
    wipes
    nappy cream
    aptamil starter pack (milk)
    muslin cloths x3
    socks x 3
    blanket
    teddy bear


    and there you have it… packed and ready to dash off whenever the pregnancy gods decide its time!



    Z





    xxx








  • Anixety Antics and Worry Warts

    Sodding anxiety!!! always turns up when you least expect it and really don’t want it! I don’t like to say I’m a sufferer of anxiety because I believe we all have anxiety during stressful and demanding times of our lives and why wouldn’t we? Its perfectly normal to stress and worry.


    Except for me the big old worry wart that I am! Sometimes I let it take over and theres nothing I can do to stop it. I’m a pretty laid back person most of the time so anyone reading this who knows me must be thinking Anixety… what anxiety?
    and your totally right you cant see it because its hiding bubbling away in my head.  A few years ago more than id like to mention ( so I don’t sound to old) I wont lie I used to be pretty bad something as silly as did I say the wrong thing to someone today and upset them? I used to stay awake at night worrying myself stupid id upset somebody or said the wrong thing. My anxiety now? Couldn’t give a crap if ive said something wrong or upset someone I just say sorry if I feel ive said something wrong and that’s that no going home worrying myself sick. YAY to me!


    Ive been pretty cool and calm (for me) during pregnancy, as the weeks are passing and I’m getting tired and achey I get tearful at night worrying about every single situation. Am I going to be a good mother to my little boy? Am I going to love him? that’s my current biggest fear, I mean realistically as soon as hes born I know I’m going to fall totally in love with him but sometimes my mind tricks me and makes me think that I wont, even worse… what if he doesn’t love me? Anixety plays tricks on our minds even more so during challenging times I’m sure I’m not the first pregnant woman to think these things and I’m sure I wont be the last.


    My current anxiety worrying me is how I will feel after the birth. It terrifies me more than actually giving birth! Sleep deprived and tramatic events (I call a tramatic event going to the dentist) so giving birth is going to fuck me up. I’m genuinely terrified of how I will feel after the birth and ive already decided I don’t want visitors at the hospital apart from my mum and dad and Mr Ms mum and dad because I have a feeling I will be so tired and tearful I wont want to see anyone. I’m panicking like fuck about people wanting to come straight round my house to meet the little bundle of joy, I know everyone is excited and I know everyone wants to meet him I get that but I need time to myself to recover and feel better mentally its only fair to want that isn’t it? so why do I feel like such a horrible person for wanting that?



    Tonight I am tired and tearful and letting my anxiety get the better of me. Tomorrows a new day to try and not be a worry wart!


    Z





    xxx

  • Mum with a fat tum

    That’s right as I’m approaching week 35 ( 5 weeks to go! ) I am a very proud mum with a fat tum! This last few weeks I have done a lot of growing and according to my pregnancy app baby is almost at his last stage of growing and will soon be the size of a watermelon! A BLOODY WATERMELON!



    My healthy eating has really gone out the window these last few weeks I consumed far to many Easter eggs and I suddenly have a bad craving for anything chocolate! so its not surprising I’ve put on a bit of beef in my last trimester. Usually I would be devouring a share bag of malteasers crying at how fat I’m getting but this time I honestly couldn’t give 2 shits how much weight I’ve put on. I’ve already planned how I’m going to lose weight once the littleun is here. So rack the malteasers up baby !!


    Some perks and downfalls of being a mum with a fat tum are laugh your socks off funny or cry yourself to sleep emotional. I will start with the funny… Have you ever had a lovely relaxing bath with candles and bubbles and chilled with a book? isn’t it just the best way to relax? Yeah well try being almost 9 months pregnant enjoying said bath until the time comes to get out… I tend to call the crane in advance now so its ready to reverse into my bathroom to lift me out safely in one piece. The other “perk” If you could call it that is we can get away with wearing the most gigantic knickers known to man kind! and yes they are bloody comfortable even if it looks like reading festival in my back garden whilst they hang on the line to dry I don’t care ( sorry neighbours ) They are the kind of tent even Post Malone would be proud to headline in!


    Having a huge bump comes with some slight disadvantages, I haven’t seen my lady bits since about month 5 and as I’m not proud to admit this but my huge reading festival pants come in handy containing the forest that befalls my lady region. My biggest problem at the moment is thinking of a way to shall we say “tidy up” the 100 acre woods inside my giant knickers, I’ve heard a very nasty rumour that if you turn up at hospital in labour with a hairy muff that the midwives do the job for you. No way is anyone else coming near me with a razor down there, a plan of action is drastically needed before D Day!
    So those are the funny bits I suppose you could say of being pregnant, what’s the downfalls of being a mum with a fat tum? Pain… yes total aches and pains of the whole bumpage can really knock you when you are down, fortunately I bought this pregnancy belt from amazon that basically holds the bump up and stops the aches and strains, I just look like I’m going rock climbing! I think I’ve covered the emotional side of being a fatty in other blog posts so I wont bore you all again with that except to say its perfectly acceptable to sit and cry into a cup of tea for absolutely no reason!


    My bump got measured the other day whilst at the midwife and I’m very happy to report that I am perfectly within the guidelines for bump measurements! the guide lines are something like you shouldn’t measure more than your week of pregnancy so for example I was 33 weeks and I measured 32cm from top to bottom of my bump which I’m told is very normal and healthy. YAY! As these next few weeks pass I have so many hospital and midwife appointments I guess that’s all normal as we approach the end. For now and the next few weeks I’m a mum with a fat tum and proud of it!


    Z



    xxx

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