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You have to read this to believe it but before you get discharged from hospital after having a baby one of the last things the midwives say to you is… did you know you can get pregnant really easily now so you need to make a appointment to go on contraception.

I mean come on! After Id picked my jaw up from the floor and let it sunk in what she’d actually said to me it’s then I realised they are actually bonkers if they think I’m having sex any time soon! I mean my vagina was cut open and stitched back up for Christ sake!! The thought of sex just makes my fanny shrivel up like a dried prune, if that isn’t off putting enough for Mr M I regularly peed myself a little bit after giving birth. If you really want sex that bad in a time like that then you have serious problems that only a sex addicts anonymous can sort out.

I intend to let my vagina heal after pushing out the bowling ball that was my baby, I was walking like my arsehole had been ripped from arse to ear for a week after giving birth do they seriously think I was going to go home and start having sex? furthermore I’d like to think my other half wouldn’t want any nooky whilst the stitches heal up, it’s not exactly sexy is it!

Picture this right, well maybe not picture it that’s a bit brutal, just listen to what I’m saying, imagine a man having major surgery on his pecker, imagine his penis actually being cut open and stitched back up. What sane doctor would tell said man to not only not have sex for a while but to use contraception? No one! No doctor would ever do that! So why do they assume us women having birthed an entire human been cut and stitched back up would want to have sex in the near future!

Anyway the point of this post is that I’ve Been asked multiple times what contraception or as I call them “Baby Blockers” I want to go on. I mean fair play I’m now 10 weeks post natal, my vagina is mostly healed and back to normal and my arsehole no longer hurts when I go to the toilet so that’s a bonus! So yeah I guess you’d say it would be sensible to go onto some kind of contraception. Have I thought about it? Have i heck! I’ve had more important things to be doing. To be honest I’m happy to go with the good old fashioned withdraw method. Its not ideal and it can get messy but It’s not like Im going to be shagging every night now is it. Mr M is lucky if I’m still awake past 8:30pm let alone anything else!

There’s so many kinds of baby blockers about now, I don’t trust the pill, it fucks with my periods and to be honest I don’t like taking things that mess with my hormones after it taking a while to conceive Rex I’m now really cautious of taking anything that could mess conceiving again! Condoms, because who doesn’t love trying to get that slippery little fucker on in the throws of passion! then there’s Female condoms- do they even exist? I think they are just a rumour as I’ve never ever seen one! The injection, I don’t fancy being jabbed in the arse every few months thankyou very much ! The implant! Ahh this freaks me out! It’s like a microchip for humans floating Benith your skin just there ready to pop up and remind you that you can’t have a baby for 2 years.

After it taking a year to get pregnant the first time and us both not getting any younger I’m not taking any chances. If it happens again soon great if not then we will probably start trying in a year or so anyway.

And that my friends is my view on baby blockers. It’s simple if you don’t want to get pregnant strap it up before you wack it up. And for gods sake let your vagina heal up before you start anything in the bedroom, the last thing we want is anyone ending up in A&E needing to be stitched back up!

Z

Xxx

I don’t know about you larger ladies but I’m fucking fed up of being fat! To the point it’s making me depressed again. But since having Rex I cannot stop eating and the weight is just piling on like nobody’s business. The fatter I get the more I want to comfort eat and the more I comfort eat the fatter I get so im going round in circles !!

Roughly a year and a half ago I had the pleasure of being Called a weighty biscuit by some fucker online. I think his exact words were and I quote “run a full marathon you weighty biscuit” because clearly running a half marathon is easy right? Anyway to hell with that mother fucker, since that time the phrase weighty biscuit has stuck in my head and right now if I was to bump into that prick offline I would probably shake his hand because right now I am a weighty biscuit!

Whenever I comment on how I feel about my weight everybody’s response is YOU’VE JUST HAD A BABY. Yes you are all right I have just had a baby and yes it’s made me fatter than I was before but that doesn’t take away how I feel about myself. So please do me a favour, if I complain about my weight to you please don’t answer with “well you’ve just had a baby” because I might just lose it ! Just lately within the last few weeks I’ve started to notice I’ve really piled on the pounds. I feel so discusting and fat and like everybody is judging me . I walk down the street and get so parioned that everyone is looking at me thinking “wow she’s fat” I feel like my friends are embarrassed to be seen with me and Mr M is stuck with a fat lump that he never signed up for.

Currently I have an extra tyre round my middle, bingo wings grandma would be proud of and an ass the size of Australia. I’m wearing black leggings and unflattering t shirts to hide the enormity that are my giant flabby boobies, my double chin has gone up a size and my ancles have fused to my feet.

It sucks !! And yes I only have myself to blame. If only I stopped shoving those chocolate biscuits down me like a homeless man at a buffet and stopped gorging on pizza and chips like dominos is about to go bust. maybe I would look like I used to. The Zoe that I used to like the one who had will power went on a diet ran regularly and made good life style choices, the Zoe that I used to be proud of, if only I had that umph to do something.

It’s time I took back some self control, it’s time to like the way I look and feel proud of myself again. It’s time to drop the junk and pick up the healthy stuff. It’s time to get my running shoes back on and have an end goal to aim for.

So the fridge is choca with veg and yogurt, the fruit bowl is stacked with delicious fruit, Mr Ms chocolate and biscuits for his lunch box are hidden away in a cupboard and my running shoes are dusted off ready to pound those pavements again. The couch to 5k app is downloaded and ready to go!

This weighty biscuit is gonna give it her all and be the person I used to like again. It’s gonna be hard it’s gonna be painful but it will be worth it to look in the mirror and like how I look! Will I do it? Stay tuned to find out …

Z

Xxx

WERE ALL GOING ON A SUMMER HOLIDAY… is what I’ve been singing the past week getting excited for our first holiday as a family of 3! Booked back in January one of those dirt cheap deals out the sun newspaper a £9:50 holiday. Why they call it a £9:50 holiday is beyond me because it isn’t actually £9:50 because you have to pay for 4 people and by the time they’ve added the service charge and stuff on it’s cranked up to £80. But for 4 nights who can complain !! So we decided to take our dinosaur on tour!

Although we’ve only gone on holiday it feels like we’ve moved house with the amount of crap we’ve lugged along with us. 99% of the car was filled with baby stuff for Rex. But needs must. Bless him he slept most of the way down! A slight grizzle so we pulled over in a layby had a feed and change of nappy and off we went again. Very proud mummy right here.

So here we are… caravan 74 is our home for the next 4 days.

day 1 and ofcorse we just had to visit the beach!! Little tip… don’t take a 8 week old baby on a beach when it’s windy! Sand kept blowing in the poor littleuns face and he wasn’t amused. Here are a few snaps I managed to get before we had to dash off quick.

After a brief look round all the gifty shops and my fave cake shop to pick up a lemon bun! We headed back to number 74 to get ready to go out to the children’s club. How was the children’s club you ask? Pretty naff! I don’t remember the entertainment being that pants when I was a littleun. Anyway we went with it and Rex has his pic taken with the big bear.

Day 2- round of applause to Rex because last night was the second night the little legend slept through!! 2 nights in a row! Touch wood this is a sign of things to come. Up early we had bacon and egg sandwiches for brekki then off we popped down to the swimming pool to take Rex for his first swim!! He didn’t quite know what to make of it, he didn’t cry or smile he just sat there like an absolute lad in his duck having a little kick in the water. Here’s a few pics I managed to get before I got told off for taking photos by the life guard. Naughty mummy!!

After swimming me and Rex had a look round the arcades as daddy doesn’t really like them I saw some dinosaur teddies in a grabber Machien after 30 min and £15 later is still hadn’t won that dam teddy! Out of money back to the caravan we popped then back down into Weymouth for a wonder.

Ofcorse we had to have fish and chips on the seafront for tea! Whilst trying to dodge being attacked by incoming hungry seagulls! 8pm Rex is down for the night and I think I’m coming down with a cold as I’ve been coughing all afternoon now my chest hurts so under a duvet I lay with a cuppa tea.

We spent our last day on holiday having a chilled day because I’ve come down with a cold and Mr M has just realised how hard it is looking after a baby all day. (It’s only taken him 9 weeks!) we had a nice walk down into Weymouth to buy gifts for our 2 little nephews then went for dinner on our holiday park we had the most luxurious dessert ever! you need a ladder to get to the top of the burger Mr M ordered !

And there we go that’s Rex’s very first holiday done!

Over and out

Z

Xxx

Something you really take for granted when you have a baby is the ability to just go out whenever you like and be places on time! Me being quite the punctual person that I am hates being late for things something I’m really struggling with at the moment.

Pre baby those were the days when you could have a day off do what the fuck you liked all day, eat when you want, shower when you want and watch that box set you’ve been dying to see without being interrupted. should you decide you want to go out you just grabbed yah handbag and off you went. Oh how things change once you have a little one in tow! Now it’s have I got enough nappy’s? Have I packed the milk? How many changes of clothes do I have? Is he due a poo? And so on. Bag packed baby ready oh wait he needs feeding and a nappy change. This is my life I swear I’ve never been on time for anything since having a baby and it drives my anxiety crazy!

Rewind back a few weeks ago when we had to get the bus. 10 min before we need to leave and Rex decides he’s hungry. FML we are going to miss the bus! So I get as much milk down him as I can sprint to the bus stop and finish feeding him at the bloody bus stop! Baby’s actually run your life for you! Countless times I’ve had to do an emergency nappy change in the street! Not actually on the pavement that’s frowned upon!!

The whole lateness is a big no no for me I can’t stand being late because quite simply it fucks me off when people are late for things when they have no good reason. To date we’ve only had one early morning appointment we had to be at and that was registering Rex’s name. And guess what ? We were late! I’m going to let myself off for that one because Rex was only a week old and we clearly had no idea what we were doing.

The reason I am writing this post is because yes you guessed it we have to be up and out and down the doctors surgery by 9:10am tomorrow! 9.10!!! The bets are in and the odds are 10/1 that we will actually make that appointment on time . I’m usually still hanging out in my pants at this time in the morning trying to get my first cup of tea down me before Rex needs feeding and now suddenly we have to be dressed fed changed and out by the latest 8:30. Will we do it? Stay tuned to find out!

The key is all in the preparation… the changing bag is packed, pram ready and bottles ready to feed him before we leave. The good thing about being on maternity leave is you can just bum about all day and do things at your own pace you don’t really have to be anywhere unless you get invited out and then it’s like a millatery operation which usually involves the saying “I will be there once Rex is ready.” So for the next few months I’m going to enjoy not having to be many places on time because when the time comes I go back to work we are going to struggle to be up and out on time every morning!!

Z

Xxx

Pardon my openness for this next bit of writing I’m about to surprise you with! You know me by now I don’t shy away from things easily, I bet your thinking how can she fill a whole post just about vaginas? Believe me im going to give it a bloody good go.

It’s all good and well having a baby until you look down and realise your fanny AKA vagina what ever you want to call it looks like a complete and utter car crash. I know every women is different and every birth is different. I can’t comment on the unfortunate event of tearing down below during labour but I can only sympathise ! Unfortunately for me I can comment on the very nasty experience of being cut. Yes actually cut in my women’s area with an actual knife! Sounds horrific doesn’t it?

I can only thank the lord that I was lucky enough to be under the influence of an epidural plus extra aneshetic when they so kindly sliced my lady parts open to squeeze that baby out. At the time I felt nothing at all I didn’t even know they’d done it, result !! Until… the dreaded moment the pain relief started to wear off and I kid you not I felt like I had passed a tree trunk not a baby! That’s the moment I realised my vagina will never be the same again.

The interesting part about all this is the fact that I still had to wee and poo whilst trying to not push to hard and rip the stitches out that was basically holding everything up inside me. The fun began whilst taking my first wee after the birth, my god I thought I’d ripped myself a new one! I’m sure everyone who’s had a baby can vouch for me and say There’s nothing quite like the sting of your first wee after giving birth.

That’s the easy part, weeing is a peice of piss ( excuse the pun!! ) what they don’t tell you in hospital is how to successfully “try” and have a poo without feeling like your entire insides will drop out of you with every push you make. What I can tell you is thankfully your body is clever and most women don’t actually go for a poo for a couple of days after giving birth so you do have time to heal slightly and make a plan of action before the almighty poo saga starts. Remember don’t push to hard ladies!

In all seriousness though those stitches need to be kept clean and intact because if you are like me and unlucky I had the added bonus of my stitches coming out thrown in for a bit of good measure, we don’t know how or why they came out, I was having a fiddle one day down there to see if my fanny was recovering and I felt this “hole” so I did the only thing a self respecting woman in my situation would do… got my husband to take a photo, me legs wide open catching a draft with him down there trying to get a good shot, the comedy that goes on in my house is another story for another day!! Anyway my midwife checked it out and confirmed the end of my stitches had come undone. Which made me even more terrified to go to the toilet! After a week or so of being checked over they eventually healed.

That was 8 weeks ago almost and since then there’s been no fanny frolics I’ve not really paid much attention to my growler until tonight.. when I decided to have a little fiddle down below to see how things we’re progressing and as I had a poke about I found this really painful spot right where my stitches had been. I’m no doctor so can’t really comment on what I think it is because I have no idea I just know it’s bloody sore when it’s poked. I know what you are thinking… don’t poke it and it won’t hurt. Yeah I get that but in the back of my mind I’m worrying I’ve not healed completely, should I make a doctors appointment? Probably yes. To be honest I’ve had enough of the whole of Oxford hospital looking at my bits and feel abit shy to get it all out again. But the sensible part of me knows it’s worth doing that if I want my lady parts to go back to normal or as normal as they can be after pushing a 10 ton baby out!

Vaginas are amazing things and don’t get nearly enough credit they deserve for the hard work they go through birthing a baby, healing then doing it all over again for the next one, it’s pretty amazing when you think about it! Us women are made of steel and can do things we never even imagined once in that delivery room. We are even more heroic for bouncing back so quickly and walking round like everything is ok in our underpants when actually we are working hard to hold everything in!!

I would like to dedicate this post to my amazing magical courageous vagina for not only giving me my perfect little baby but for going through hell and back and proudly walking out the other side with its head held high!

Happy healing !!

Z

Xxx

Yes that’s right! My blog is officially celebrating its 6 month birthday! My god hasn’t that just flown by? It only seems yesterday I was sat infront of my laptop wondering what the hell I was going to write about, now look a fully fledged pregnancy and motherhood blog that I couldn’t be prouder of!

If you are only just joining me now then welcome! It’s not to late to catch up on all the fun and frolics that’s been happening for the past 6 months of my life, so sit back relax grab a slice of imaginary birthday cake and let me recap on all the wonderful goings on!

I suppose I should start at the very beginning… well not quite as my blog wasn’t created until I was 6 months pregnant, why you ask? I basically had a lightbulb moment where I wanted to document what being pregnant was really like and to try and help other women in my situation. I don’t believe in regrets but I do wish I had started it from day 1 of being pregnant but hey ho here we are 6 months later god knows how many blog posts, tears , tantrums, depression and my finest moment of almost shitting myself in the middle of Sainsbury’s but we will get to that later!! So join me in celebrating all that’s good in life, but beware I’m open, honest and somewhat cringy !!

So here we go … I want to start with the elephant in the room you know the serious topics like mental health and then we can move on to the fun stuff! If you’d like to know how I managed my mental health during pregnancy and some important tips for you to try then give my managing mental health during pregnancy blog a read.⬇️

https://thezword.food.blog/2019/03/04/managing-mental-health-during-pregnancy/

Now for the fun stuff, when I mean fun i mean funny.. to cut a long story short here’s my post about how I almost shit myself in the middle of Sainsbury’s, it’s called the truth about pregnancy read all about it here ⬇️ hopefully you have a good giggle

https://thezword.food.blog/2019/03/11/the-truth-about-pregnancy/

What could be worse than almost pooing in a supermarket I hear you ask? Pregnant women face many struggles, let me ask you this have you tried the almighty task of trying to shave your legs whilst sporting a mahoosive baby bump? No? Find out what happens when you do here ⬇️

https://thezword.food.blog/2019/03/25/confessions-of-a-pregnant-woman/

Let me ask you this… have you ever heard of the pregnancy card? Maybe you have and maybe you haven’t it’s something I kind of made up to get me out of doing things whilst pregnant! Who would want to do things they really don’t have to? This is a must read for any pregnant ladies wanting an easy life at home whilst growing a mini person.

https://thezword.food.blog/2019/04/05/the-pregnancy-card/

The time eventually came for me when I had to start thinking about the dreaded labour! Doom doom doom… find out how I was preparing to push here⬇️

https://thezword.food.blog/2019/04/17/preparing-to-push/

Fancy a laugh? If you don’t know already the changes a pregnant women goes through I really suggest reading this next post… find out what it’s like having bean bag boobs and how to piss yourself with pride!

https://thezword.food.blog/2019/04/28/bean-bag-boobs/

This next post speaks for its self… fun in mums tum.

https://thezword.food.blog/2019/03/22/fun-in-mums-tum/

Fast forward a few weeks finally on maternity leave and past my due date I was offered a stretch and sweep. AKA a Monday morning fisting trying to get this baby out! If you fancy knowing what a stretch and sweep is all about then I’ve written it all down in this post for you!

https://thezword.food.blog/2019/06/17/the-stretch-and-sweep/

FINALLY!! 16 days overdue and I finally give birth! The most magical and horrendous 20 odd hours of my life! This post takes me straight back to the delivery room memory’s flood back and give me a little tear, I will say If you are reading this and currently expecting then I have put a warning on the post to not read if you feel it might frighten you! This is labour my story…

https://thezword.food.blog/2019/07/09/labour-my-story/

There’s not much I can say about recovering from a birth except my fanny had felt like it had been hit by a truck it’s all in this post ….

https://thezword.food.blog/2019/07/14/recovery/

Now I wouldn’t be a very good blogger if I didn’t tell you the nitty gritty bits and the truth about parenthood it’s hardships and it’s happy moments. It’s like one massive rollercoaster ride that you can’t get off. If you fancy knowing the truth about parenthood then this post is a must.

https://thezword.food.blog/2019/07/19/the-truth-about-parenthood/

I’m not really sure why it took me so long to write a post about the main man himself. Little Rex! I guess I needed to get to know him before I could introduce him to everybody. The title says it all really … ALL ABOUT REX

https://thezword.food.blog/2019/07/31/all-about-rex-%f0%9f%a6%96/

And last but certainly not least, my latest blog post called “mum life” find out what it’s really like being a mum and what we get up to all day.

https://thezword.food.blog/2019/08/17/mum-life/

Unfortunately only my favourite blog posts made the cut for this, please feel free to go and check out the others that are hiding away dying to be read by some pregnant ladies/mums who need inspiring as much as I did.

And there we have it! 6 months of putting my life thoughts and feelings into words for the world to read. Glad i did it? Hell yeah! Am I going to continue? You bet I am! There’s something about blogging I’ve really come to love, blogging has changed me as a person, I used to be very reserved in what I told people, embarrassed even! until the point I realised that we are all human and we are all going through the same things and how can we ever get better or improve things if we don’t speak about them? If I inspire one pregnant lady to put her hands up and say she feels the same way I do then my job is done!

Thankyou to every single one of my readers because without you I wouldn’t have a platform to speak my mind tell some home truths and have a good old giggle at some of the silly things that we all go through every single day. I love every single one of you!

Here’s to the next 6 months !

Z

Xxx

That’s right… us fattys can run and we can do it just as good as anybody else, trust me I should know after 3 half marathons 1 10k and a 3 mile Santa fun run. That’s right I’m a chubster and I run! Most people would probabley look at me and laugh when I say I’ve ran 3 half marathons, I know I would if I was them.

My running story started quite a few years ago now, I’ve never ever been skinny or “in shape” I’ve always had massive wobbly thighs and a big belly. But dam do I give it my all when I run! Back in the day when I actually cared what other people thought of me I would hide away embarrassed to be seen excersising and only ever run at night in the dark so nobody could see me and laugh! Even during my first half marathon that I did up in Edinburgh most of the way round I had to force myself from crying my eyes out scared that people in the crowd were laughing at the fat girl jogging like mr blobby along the course.

BUT … I soon started to notice that the crowd were not laughing at me in actual fact they were cheering me on high fiving me and encouraging me. That’s when I realised that in this really crappy world we live in there are some decent people. After getting back home and when I carried on running I grew some big running balls and started to run in the daylight! And you know what? I ran down the side of the road by all the passing cars headphones in giving it my all not giving a shit what anybody thought of me! Untill this one time I was so distracted by my music I lost my footing and ended up falling in the main road where a car had to quickly go round me! Luckily I escaped with only a badly scrapped knee!

Ouch!

Eventually as I started to lose weight running got a bit easier and I started to get quicker and more confident running further and further each time along my favourite route down the main road towards Cheltenham ( I do run on the path) on my last half marathon which was October 2018 I managed a record! I ran the first 10 miles without stopping and I’ve never been prouder of myself to be honest I ran like my life depended on it, music in my ears head focused on the job in hand I just went for it! Eventually I lost just over a stone and I felt and looked amazing.

Me after losing weight just before getting pregnant.

Currently about a stone and a half later after having a child I’m not over what I was before I started losing weight last year and feeling pretty crappy about the way I look. The good news is now I’m healed and mentally up for the challenge this fat girl is going to start running again!! And I couldn’t be more excited I’ve got my music playlist ready to go trainers by the door all I need now is my confidence back and to remember that people may laugh at the fat girl running but they won’t beat me down and stop me doing it.

This is my motivation picture

Every step and every breath is a start in the right direction, I may be a slow poke again to start with by my god will I work hard and get back into what I love doing.

Because…

FAT GIRLS CAN RUN TO! So lace up and get them miles in girls

Z

Xxx

All mums will tell you the same thing, that mum life is hard but rewarding. And they arnt lying yes it’s hard yes its gruelling and at some point you will get covered in shit! But at the same time we live for those baby smiles and cute photos and ofcorse cuddles! Getting covered in shit is just an added bonus!

One thing I’ve noticed since being a mum is the way people treat you, cars stopping to let me cross the road with the buggy, people letting me get on the bus first and random strangers chatting away to me. I tend to walk with my headphones now so I don’t have to make small talk with people I don’t knows which irritates the fuck out of me. (Sorry random strangers who keep trying to talk to me! ) and my hasn’t my social life changed! I used to think a good night out was down the pub getting smashed and chain smoking my way through a pack of 20 Stirling red, since mum life started my idea of a good night is bath and bed by 10!

Mum life is all about organisation! My whole house is like a well oiled machine, random baskets of nappies and wipes are dotted all around so should there be an emergency nappy change I’m ready! Trust me those nappy’s don’t half need changing a lot! I am forever washing those darn muslin cloths, one of the number one essentials needed to wipe up baby bodily fluids. Little tip … never hang one off a lamp then turn it on! I don’t think I need to explain what happens if you do.

Mum life for me is all about my baby. Every day he’s dressed immaculately clean and well looked after Whilst I walk around in the same sick stained pair of leggings I’ve had on for the last 3 days. Unbrushed hair that resembles a birds nest and bags bigger than Sainsbury’s bags for life under my eyes but That’s what we do for our kids right?

Mum life is choosing between do I have lunch today or a nap? Do I have time for a quick wee or get a drink? I love those magical moments where me and the baby have a little nap together, Sleep is more important to me than anything right now, everyday I’m extremely dehydrated because I either forget to drink or have more important things to do! Lots of diet cokes on hand in the fridge for when I need them!

Mum life is me walking around in clothes bought for a quid in primark whilst my baby is sporting a very cute number from next, for once I don’t care what I’m wearing as long as my baby looks good enough to eat.

Mum life is managing your mental health like an absolute boss, I haven’t cried in weeks, I’ve grown a really thick skin since having a baby, I feel like a brand new person who can conquer anything!

Mum life is one of the proudest moments of any woman’s life! People telling you how cute your baby is, people telling you what a good mum you are and how good you are with your baby I beam from ear to ear whenever I hear Those words what mother wouldn’t?

Mum life is the best job in the whole wide world! And I totally recommend giving it a go!

Z

Xxx

I’ve been rather busy this week subsequently I don’t really have any mummy stories to tell you this week but instead I’m going to tell you something I experienced 5 days ago.

We’ve all heard of slimming world right? Well for those of you who haven’t let me enlighten you on what you are missing out on.

I’ve decided I need to lose weight! Like most mums after having a baby I’m left with a lot of wobbly bits and fat I never knew I was carrying! I can’t do my usual method of running regularly as my muscles still arnt compleatly healed and I have a baby to look after incase you didn’t know! So I decided to give slimming world a whirl and here’s how I got on…..

Day 5 and I’ve had coco pops for breakfast and lunch. Can you tell how well it’s going? In reality slimming world is pretty simple and straight forward the logistics work and a lot of people lose a lot of weight successfully so I used this as my inspiration.

Off I went with Rex in tow to sign up to my local group. Little did I know this week was “woman of the year week” which meant a lot of very inspirational ladies stood up to tell their stories and my we’re some of them tearjerkers what a very inspirational bunch of People! So I got weighed and had a chat to the lady who runs the group and got sent home to start my first week with my slimming world pack and off I went.

Let me explain the slimming word basics for you ( of what I understand ) which is still very little at this moment!! Any slimming world ladies or men please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong… All or most fruit and veg is “free” which basically means I can shove as much as this in my big fat gob as I want. Then you have healthy extras you can choose from such as brown bread… 1 slice a day! Who makes a sandwich with 1 slice of bread? Most meat and fish is free aslong as fat and skin is removed, who ever eats the fat on a steak is bonkers in my eyes anyway! Milk and cheese needs to be weighed every day “eye rolls” then you have the best section in my eyes the SYNS! A big old list of all the bad stuff we arnt supposted to eat but can on slimming world as long as we don’t go over “15 syns” a day it may be 16 I need to check on that one! Things like cake,chocolate, biscuits ect but to my surprise even things like bread yogurt and cereal are syns! A bagel is 11 syns A BLOODY BAGEL ! maybe if they made the holes bigger I could have 2 of them for my lunch?! So that’s the logistics of slimming world easy right?

Let me tell you how to fail at slimming world and not just any fail I’m talking an epic fail! First night I get home after seeing to the baby cooking dinner tidying up washing bottles ect i finally sit down about 10pm and try and have a read of my new slimming world book. Then I get this feeling in my stomach like a knife has been twisted into my guts. My good old friend anxiety is back for a visit ( hopefully flying) and I just think to myself what the fuck am I doing ? I’ve just had a baby I barely have time to get dressed some days let alone plan and prepare and check what I can eat all the time.

I don’t know how I didn’t cry that night because I just thought to myself what do I do because if I don’t go back I’ve failed and if I try and fail then I’ve definitely failed so either way I’m a loser. I didn’t get much sleep that night worrying about it not knowing what to do. The following morning I woke up and decided I’m going to give it a shot. So I prepared all these plastic pots of healthy pasta and rice things for lunch for the next few days and I felt really accomplished.

The following morning after being up with the baby all night and feeling really tearful again I just thought what am I doing? I felt so much pressure to eat all these things and check in the book if I could eat them, gone we’re the days of opening up the cupboard and just randomly picking something to eat. After having a mini melt down over the whole situation I did what any girl wanting to lose weight would do… drowned my sorrows in a share bag of malteasers clearly that was the answer to all my problems! Even after lots of advice from friends who do slimming world for the sake of my mental health I decided I needed to stop, just for now anyway untill the baby is older and I know what I’m actually doing on a day to day basis, counting syns and cooking meals from scratch (as lazy as that sounds) was the last thing I needed as I’ve got enough on my plate already, no pun intended!!

And to be honest I felt a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, one less thing I need to think about right now, am I happy about it? Not really, I do feel like I’ve failed miserably I feel embarrassed to even message the lady who runs the group saying I won’t be back, I know I’m going to be judged and probably called lazy but right now my priority is looking after my baby and trying to look after myself to.

And that’s how you fail at slimming world!

Z

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I bet your wondering what the hell im on about right? We all know what stretch marks are! But what the hell are Rex marks? Well Let me explain…

Us bigger girls are very unlucky in that most of us suffer the the most unsightly marks on our bodies called stretch marks, fat or thin they can happen to any of us. Where I’ve lost and gained weight over the years I’m one of the unlucky ones to have picked up a few stretch marks along the way. Us pregnant women are blessed with the gift of stretch marks during our baby growing months, Most of mine had actually faded away where I lost some weight just before getting pregnant yay! So one of my first thoughts when getting pregnant was oh shit I’m litlerry going to be one of those women who has these hideous big bright stretch marks all over my tummy!

To my utter surprise I made it all the way to 9 months with very little stretch marks now I don’t know weather that’s because my body has been used to losing and gaining weight but what ever the reason I was (for once) happy with the way I looked and loved my bump shown in the pic below.

After the long old haul of 9 months being with child suddenly I started to get a few stretch marks up my tummy and to tell you I was upset is a huge understatement, I hate my body and always have but being pregnant made me love my body and made me feel proud of who I am. Anyway one night of me sobbing at how much I hate the way I look and dwelling on the nasty stretch marks I showed Mr M and said look at my horrible stretch marks. He had a very quick and witty reply which I remember to this day ( Hence this post) he said… they arnt stretch marks they are Rex marks! Beside making me laugh and cheering me up it dawned on me that hey these marks are here for a reason these are the battle marks women get when growing a baby. I’m having a baby and these marks are nothing compared to the love I’m going to feel for my little one!

Not long after the birth of Rex maybe a week or so when my what used to be bump started to go flat and give me a tummy back I noticed actually that the not very noticeable marks had now become very noticeable and big “sighs” my thoughts about this? Honestly couldn’t give two shits. If that’s what needs to happen for me to have a beautiful baby boy then so be it. There’s so many different creams and oils on the market to try and get rid of stretch marks but why? Firstly I can’t be arsed, secondly I don’t want to waste my money on all these things that might not even work and thirdly it’s my body they just remind me what I’ve been through to become a mummy!

Never be ashamed of your stretch marks because I bet you 9 out of 10 women are sporting them! They are just one of the shitty perks of being pregnant but trust me once you have your baby in your life stupid things like stretch marks don’t matter!

But for me they arnt stretch marks they are Rex marks!

Z

Xxx